Take Me or Leave Me

As crazy as I am, and as emotional, I'm glad the people who really matter in my life take me as I am and love me anyway. Maybe I annoy them or they get hurt at times, but they still love me and stick it out with me. ;)

Beagle seems not too angry...haha...and guess what? He has next week off!!! YAY!!! So we can talk whenever!!! *happy dance* Next week will be a good week. I just have to get things done this weekend so I'm not rushing over the week. We can't talk this weekend though because he has guard duty Saturday and Sunday...but, ends up being better this way. ;)

However...i know I'll keep struggling with these unhappy thoughts. It's rough. Especially for me, I need physical affection. Cuddling, hugging, kissing, holding hands...but I have art and writing to distract me!!! Though I know...there will be days when i cry horribly...as I have lately.

I'd like to blame this on my friend George. But, lots of people know George, and do they contemplate suicide? Think horrible thoughts? Cry for hours in bed and not get up to go about daily activities? I don't know...I just don't think George causes those things in anyone. But I think he brings them out in me. Because I can usually control it...but when George is around...I'm more sensitive, my guard is down...and honestly? If someone held a gun to my head and told me to do something or they'd kill me, I'd tell them calmly to kill me, even if they just wanted some coffee. because at those times, i just feel empty. icky. lonely, depressed, and tired of life.

and then i'm ok!!! George makes me bipolar...

not his fault, but he doesn't help keep me stable...*grumble*

well, now i know to just cry and watch out for George when i feel so bad.

:/

haha...if you don't know who George is...well...count yourself lucky. lol. And I'm sure a lot of you know George and don't realize it. Maybe one day my alluding to him will catch on...;)

anyway, now everyone knows, i am an emotional psychopath!!!

and i am willing to accept advice. if anyone has any wisdom to share. i just don't want to be told how to live my life. ;)

i'm pretty much resigned to the fact that i'll cry a lot, but i'm sticking with Beagle, because he treats me right, despite everything we have been through. and i'm sure when we're FINALLY together, our relationship will be even better because neither one of us will take it for granted. ;)

oh, i was amazed today. i went to get a refill on my meds, and the lady did it in like a minute....i figured i'd have to come back later today...but nope! so that was cool. ;)

Girl's Night tonight!!! We're going to watch "While You Were Sleeping". never seen it, so should be interesting. i guess it's a love story...hope i don't cry...

i remember i watched the fountain about a month ago and i was sooooo depressed...ugh...romances, sad ones at that, are not good for me right now. lol

Have a great weekend everyone!!!

Dein,

Chelle

PS I went to bed at 9ish last night and woke up at 8:30 this morning. *grins* i think that's part of why i feel good today. LOL

YAY SLEEP