Friday, November 30, 2007
No More Lies
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Like Butter Scraped Over Too Much Bread
*sigh* That's me. lol. For multiple reasons...
I have to find something to get out of next semester. I volunteer to do too many things. Lol.
If all goes well talking to an advisor tomorrow, I should get away with no classes on Tuesday. Just work, and whatever meetings of whatever things I decide to stay apart of. lol
So, definitely cold here!!! ;)
My face feels frozen after walking around, but, I'm happy. Quite content actually...all bundled up in my layers and stuff. ;)
What I really want to do...is turn the heaters off, light a fire, make some hot cocoa, and cuddle on a couch with someone. lol
Mel, you and Spice get ready for some serious cuddle time when I get home! Sam can join if he promises to refrain from poking while cuddling. LOL
OOOOOH
TEE HEE
I have an item I MUST add to my "wishlist". HEHE. Above all things...lol...*sigh* If you give me this...I will forever feel indebted to you!!!
My future husband...Josh Groban for those of you who were not aware...has a new album out. A Christmas album!!! *swoon* It's titled "Noel" and has some AMAZING songs on it. Of course, he's amazing...so what do you expect? Lol
Just realized I didn't mention that before and thought I'd get it out there.
So, if you love me...hehe...
Well, hall gov starts soon. *yawn* Really hope it goes quick tonight...though it usually DOESN'T. lol
Hopefully I'll have time to write more tomorrow. And hopefully I can post my spring semester schedule!!! Keep your fingers crossed that I can get in to my last 2 classes at the times I want!!! ;)
Monday, November 26, 2007
Winter Wonderland
Friday, November 23, 2007
Flurries and a Wish List
Well, there is enough white stuff sticking to the ground that I think I can say, it's snow. YAY!!!
By home standards, this would be crazy...lol. But, I'm waiting for more. hehe. I'm never satisfied. Until I'm in the middle of a crazy blizzard, about to freeze to death...lol
But really, it's nice out, and little flurries are falling...perfect day after Thanksgiving! :D
Except...life is getting me down. *grumble*
No worries. As Grandma L keeps saying, I'm young. I have time.
I just wish it wasn't so hard! And I wasn't such a people pleaser! Or...that I could be more assertive...lol...
maybe if I didn't care so much...but then I wouldn't be me...
we'll see. i just hope I don't lose a friend. in the end, I probably will lose the boyfriend...but that is yet to be seen...
i just don't want to lose a great friend because my life is so screwed up!
On to more happy things...lol...I had a request from Auntie M, since I wasn't doing the usual Thanksgiving thing, to send out my wish list. Well, I'll put it here first. ;)
By the way, Thanksgiving was fun. Less people than I'm used to, and yet, louder and crazier. lol. Funny the difference one side of the family can make. ;) I love them all though. I had a blast. But I can't wait for Christmas with everyone else!
Now, without further ado...Chelle's Christmas Wish List...*it's hard for me to ask for things...so...be happy i'm doing this...and online for that matter! lol*
- CDs (I love movie soundtracks...including kids movies...Mulan, Pocahontas, Tarzan...and "real" movies...whatever you can think of) (oh...and MercyMe has a new CD, "All That is Within Me", good stuff)
- Books (in general, I like sci-fi, historical fiction, mystery, I ADORE Agatha Christie books and Mary Higgins Clark is good...any book I will read...just please no romances...lol)
- Gift cards (Kohl's, Walmart, Target, STARBUCKS, Michael's (helpful since i'll be doing a lot of art classes)...whatever. I'm a college kid...I'll take what I can get)
- A fish (tank) (i'm lonely in my little dorm room! i want a fishie! actually, I really want a frog, or a turtle...or another hermit crab...but I doubt that's allowed...lol) (i realize that's unrealistic for traveling on a plane with a fish...but...you asked what i wanted! lol)
- Gloves (i have gloves, but...they're a bit stretched out thanks to a certain German Hund...lol. a nice warm pair would be amazing)
- Drawing books (not the kind with blank paper...I have PLENTY of those...i wouldn't mind "how to" books...especially manga drawing books!!! :D)
- Manga (hehe...Mel should have the low down on the series I have and the books I need in those series...)
well...hope that helps! honestly, i'll love anything. ok. take that back. lol. but chances are, if you saw something and thought of me...it'll be perfect! lol
so..hockey game soon! YAY!!! ;)
hope everyone's Thanksgiving went well...have a good weekend...
The Ever Stumbling, Confused,
Chelle
"I want to go back to believing in everything and knowing nothing at all"
"If you look inside a girls heart and see how much she cries, you will find secrets, best friends and lies, but what you'll see the most is how hard it is to stay strong when nothing is right and everything is wrong"
Monday, November 19, 2007
Psalm 86
Psalm 86
A Prayer of David.
1 Bow down Your ear, O LORD, hear me;
For I am poor and needy.
2 Preserve my life, for I am holy;
You are my God;
Save Your servant who trusts in You!
3 Be merciful to me, O Lord,
For I cry to You all day long.
4 Rejoice the soul of Your servant,
For to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
5 For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive,
And abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You.
6 Give ear, O LORD, to my prayer;
And attend to the voice of my supplications.
7 In the day of my trouble I will call upon You,
For You will answer me.
8 Among the gods there is none like You, O Lord;
Nor are there any works like Your works.
9 All nations whom You have made
Shall come and worship before You, O Lord,
And shall glorify Your name.
10 For You are great, and do wondrous things;
You alone are God.
11 Teach me Your way, O LORD;
I will walk in Your truth;
Unite my heart to fear Your name.
12 I will praise You, O Lord my God, with all my heart,
And I will glorify Your name forevermore.
13 For great is Your mercy toward me,
And You have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.
14 O God, the proud have risen against me,
And a mob of violent men have sought my life,
And have not set You before them.
15 But You, O Lord, are a God full of compassion, and gracious,
Longsuffering and abundant in mercy and truth.
16 Oh, turn to me, and have mercy on me!
Give Your strength to Your servant,
And save the son of Your maidservant.
17 Show me a sign for good,
That those who hate me may see it and be ashamed,
Because You, LORD, have helped me and comforted me.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Various Musings of my Heart
well, where shall i begin today...;p
if you noticed, i removed Redemption Installment 6...i really don't like that part...i think it'll just be more simple so i can go into detail in other stuff.
which should be up later...
yeah, i'm a little ticked off with my computer. it won't let me upload video from my digital camera. ;(
and i was going to work on a video for Beagle, and make vids for various family members...*sigh* i'll have a busy time at home. lol
yesterday was amazing, we had our Scandinavian Day. mmmm. lol
Momma and Daddy...watch out...I want to cook when I'm home over my break. :D
it'll be fun.
i guess you could say i'm all right. but then again...how would you define "all right"? there always seems to be something that could be better. something i could improve that would make me happier.
really, i'm content with my life. but somewhere deep down...i'm not...
i've fooled even myself into believing i am ok with everything. so why does it happen that random things pop up that make me question every decision i've made. ok, that's a bit of an over statement.
things have happened lately that make me wonder if i have really made the right decisions.
my life is a big, cruel, irony. at least it has been.
remember when I was struggling with thinking I should break up with Beagle? well, after figuring we'd be fine...I met a guy who I just...clicked with. if that makes sense. and now I'm wondering...what would have happened had i not stayed with Beagle? is this supposed to mean anything? is God banging me over the head with a stick again? lol
He did that for a while with my Africa thing...kind of funny really. every Sunday, or every time I went to listen to someone speak...I felt that tug on my heart again...i think now if i do graduate in 2010, after graduation would be a perfect time to do what i've been needing to. and maybe a few summers before that too...hmmm...it'll be a lot of money though. lol
but God will lead me there...
just like He'll lead me through my current struggle.
the hardest thing about all of this...is not being able to see Beagle face-to-face...even by web cam.
i get so busy...we hardly have time to talk. but when we do, I know I'm doing the right thing. at least for now.
there's no way we met by chance. no way that there isn't a bigger reason for us to have met and been together. these things don't happen by mistake.
so why must i suffer on my own? he suffers too...but...how do i know? once a week POSSIBLY getting to talk to him...doesn't cut it. i'm always questioning, struggling...
it's like there will never be an end to it.
there's no easy way out. maybe the most i can do right now is wait out the next five months...and see what happens this summer. i know that when he comes in April or May, for a long time, the longest we'll have been literally/physically together...that will be the deciding factor. will we be able to stand one another for that long? will i be able to wait for another five years with various intervals of seeing one another?
i never expected this to be easy.
*sigh* i love it here, but i'm longing for the comforts of home. things were easier then. somehow. i didn't really struggle this much...i can't figure out why. maybe i need my family and friends more than i thought. ;)
i love you guys so much. i'm happy here...but...there's a love and comfort i feel around you nothing can replace.
maybe that was what kept me going without Beagle all those days, months...those 2 long years.
well...whatever. lol.
i'm young. i have time. i just hope i'm not giving up/wasting my youth...lol
Friday, November 16, 2007
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Soon
mmm...pretty lazy weekend. watched some movies with the RA and ARHD. was fun. we had pizza and ice cream too.
yesterday hung out with Jen and the guys at one of their apartments. we played some games, planned on being home earlier since we weren't watching a movie...yeah right. still got back at 2am. lol but still fun.
and today...mostly nothing. that's not to say this weekend was totally useless! got some homework done, a little reading...relaxing. ;)
the following are pics of me and mel. she dressed as me for halloween and i thought it was pretty funny. guess who's who?
she's on the left in both, i'm on the right. too cute, right?
well, think i'll read some and then get to sleeping. it's amazing how much i can just sleep. ;)
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Master of Disguise
Ninja turtle!!! *teehee* So, the belt on the front of the shell said R, and the stuff with it was purple...soooo...I was Rachel, they're little known sister...lol
hmmm...i just upload my vamp pics to the comp...can't seem to place them...*rolls eyes* figures. well, if i find them, i'll show you. i had some good ones. ;)
Let it...snow?
Things have definitely been interesting around here. First, Zorro *guy I met at the halloween dance* and I have totally hit it off! We have way too much in common for two random people who just met. lol
Honestly, I feel like I've known him forever! He even asked if we were twins seperated at birth...and then we were like...no...not possible...cuz he's almost 2 years older than me! lol
But it's cool meeting someone with similar interests, especially tastes in music! I mean, the Carpenter's? Come on, it's rare to find someone my age who appreciates them! lol
Anyway, we ended up hanging out for like 6 hours Sunday night. So random, but fun.
Moonlight breakfast is tomorrow. I only have to work it for 30 min thank goodness! Maybe I'll win something *hopeful gleam* ;)
In art today we had a critique, and everyone really liked my collage! YAY
I'll post a pic next week sometime when i get my portfolio back. hmmm...that won't be till Wednesday! We won't have class Friday since people will be leaving for the three day weekend, and Monday is off...wow...lol.
speaking of pics, i have various halloween pics to share.
i'll post em seperate, adding pics messes up my spacing...lol
i'm talking to a psych advisor today about classes. that is, if there's not a whole bunch of people there to talk to them.
i'm seriously looking into art therapy...so...;)...we'll see what tips they can give me.
especially about research. i want to get involved with spring research, but there are 3 professors i'm debating between...one has rats and mice and looks at procratination and how one species of mice suffers from dwarfism but lives longer, better lives; another looks at test development and basically how to better evaluate people effectively and how video games can affect or reflect personality (i especially like that since i love online games and he mentioned those ;)); and then there's a professor i originally thought of who works with kids, but mainly in the legal sense, and that really doesn't interest me...
so...we shall see!!!
*hugs*
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Redemption Installment 5
“What? You took us so you could keep studying us after our homes were destroyed?” Joanne’s face was flushing with anger. “That makes no sense. Are you going to lock us in little cages and test our blood and DNA or something? And what’s the purpose of destroying Earth when you’re so keen to study us?”
“Please calm yourself, Miss Mitchell. We want you to understand what is going on here, though it may be hard at first. We are destroying your world before you destroy each other. You and your comrades are here to start a new Earth.”
In the awkward silence that followed the dark woman’s words, Joanne had no thoughts. Her mind was literally empty as she stared dumbstruck into the calm collected face of this alien. Slowly, her mind tried to process all this new information. A new Earth, a culture that revered women and worshipped blacks, the destruction of Earth; slowly, tears made their way down her cheeks. “But, why?” She whispered almost to herself. “Why do you have to destroy us?”
“As I said,” the calm alien woman before her spoke. “We are concerned that your people are destroying each other, and if we do not intervene, then all that is what you call Earth and humankind, will be gone.”
“But you’re destroying it anyway! What difference does it make? Either way we lose!”
The dark woman shook her head. “No, this way, you may continue your culture, and we may continue to study it. Most of our top scientists are in full support of this because it gives us a chance to watch how your culture evolves from nothing. Can you understand this?”
Joanne was furious. A million different things ran through her mind, many of them unutterable things she longed to yell at this woman before her. “I’m afraid I can’t understand at all,” she spoke slowly, trying to keep her temper in check. “Isn’t there a way you will change your mind?”
The woman smiled faintly. “It is not up to me what happens to your world. I merely speak and act upon the will of my people. The council makes the decisions and unless you believe you can change their minds-”
“Yes!” Joanne suddenly felt hopeful. “Let me speak to this council, give me a chance, I know I can make them change their minds.” I have to, she thought to herself.
“Very well Miss Mitchell,” the woman inclined her head politely. “Tomorrow you will accompany me to a meeting of the council,” she walked over to the end of the table and pressed a button. “For now, you will remain her with your comrades. I will return in a few short hours after you have rested.” The door opened and the light blue man who had accompanied Joanne everywhere thus far entered the room, sweeping a deep bow to both the women. “Teka will be your attendant for as long as you stay with us, he is skilled in many Earth tongues.” She turned to him and clicked and whistled rapidly, in response he bowed again and as the dark woman swept one last curtsey to Joanne and glided out of the room, Teka approached Joanne, motioning with his hands.
“Come, Miss Mitchell, it is time you rested, your comrades will have finished their meal now, but I will be sure something is brought to you.”
Minutes later, Joanne had polished off a pretty decent meal of chicken with rice and beans. As a green skinned Myantide exited with her empty plates, she thought to herself that that had to have been the best in flight meal she had had in a long time. Teka stood awkwardly in a corner of the room, watching Joanne meticulously. A bit uncomfortable, she twisted around to see what her “comrades” were doing. Chinue, the thin black girl, was still huddled underneath her blanket, and when Joanne’s eyes met hers, Chinue’s glance fell quickly to the ground. Much to her dismay, the red headed woman, Rosemary, came and sat beside her.
“So,” she whispered, leaning in close to Joanne’s ear as she peered suspiciously at Teka. “What happened? Did you speak to any of them?” Rosemary’s eyes shone bright with a hunger for information. Joanne now understood why the Myantides had never spoken to her or the other lighter skinned people. Though, even if Rosemary had been black, Joanne felt no one would confide much information in her.
She shrugged, making herself seem indifferent to the whole situation. “I talked to someone. She’s taking me to some council meeting tomorrow.” Suddenly two other figures appeared beside Rosemary. Tene and Jabari leaned in eagerly.
“What sort of meeting is this?” Jabari warbled. “Are they really destroying Earth?” Rosemary’s eyebrows shot up at the new information and she suddenly looked frightened.
Joanne cleared her throat awkwardly. She hadn’t really wanted to tell the others about this. She had hoped to go before this council, explain to them that they just couldn’t destroy Earth, and then go home. It didn’t much matter to her that the others were involved. “Well, I’m going in front of a council to convince them not to destroy Earth.” Jabari and Tene sat back, their faces a bit more subdued.
Tene shook his head. “They will not listen. We have tried to reason with them before, but reason is something completely different to them.”
“Maybe they’ll listen to me,” Joanne felt a bit insulted that the men didn’t trust her. “The woman I spoke to said they respect women more than men, I’m sure they’ll listen to me.”
“Oh, they’ll listen, no doubt,” now Keiji knelt beside the group. “But they will not understand. They are a different people from us, there is much we could never convey to their hearts, try as we might to explain it to their heads.”
Joanne was confused. Her brain felt like it was twisted into a billion tight knots closing around her head. Why shouldn’t these people listen to and understand her? It wasn’t that hard to understand, was it?
The next day, Joanne lost what she had been so sure of. She seated herself between Teka and the dark woman whom she had been told to call “Giaga”, which Joanne assumed to be the equivalent to “queen” or “empress”, or something very high status. The council meeting was taking place in a private ship quite similar to the one she had seen Giaga exit from the day before. The entrance to the ship was the entrance to the meeting room, which was the ship. Plush seats lined the curved walls and all ready a couple hundred people of various blue colors were seated. A floating council, Joanne thought as more people entered and took their places. She wondered if they would actually be flying during the meeting.
But as the meeting began, Joanne lost all confidence in herself and began to shake in her seat. She hadn’t felt this way since high school speech class. The immense size of the room and the huge number of people, Myantides, occupying it frightened her in a way she couldn’t explain. She soothed herself with thoughts of her friends and family, and all that she knew that was good in her life. Maybe it wasn’t spectacular, but it was something worth fighting for. Or so she thought at the time.
Giaga rose regally after a pale blue man had led the group in a series of clicks she assumed was the standard beginning to every meeting. Giaga’s voice filled the room with ease. Joanne sat amazed at the power this woman had over her audience. Every eye in the room was focused on her, and though she couldn’t understand anything that was being said, Joanne too found herself mesmerized. After a few urgent clicks from Giaga, Joanne found herself caught up in a great silence. Slowly it dawned on her, Giaga was done speaking. And every eye was now on her. Joanne blushed profusely, looking from Giaga to Teka for an explanation.
“You are expected to speak now,” Teka said flatly as if this should have been completely obvious to her. Dazed, she rose from her seat and made the mistake of looking into a million pairs of eyes. Heart racing, her palms filling with sweat, Joanne turned wide eyed to Giaga. The woman gazed back with placid eyes and took her seat, pushing something on the sideof Joanne’s armrest as she did. Almost simultaneously, an invisible force field seemed to take hole of her. At first it was if her lungs were being squished underneath a steam roller, but gradually the pressure lifted, though Joanne could still feel some eerie presence about her.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Halloween...thank GOD it's over
First I had to stuff cups with candy for two hours. Then I passed those out for an hour tuesday. And yesterday was the halloween dance...
tomorrow is another dance, but i don't have to do anything but show up to that one.
i was definitely a vampiress at the AIM Exorcist movie showing last Friday. funny thing about that...i put white makeup all over my face, right? to be pale...ya know. anyway, two oriental guys, not trying to be racist, it's just pertinent that they're asian, they come in and I explain what's going on kind of, and they look at me and ask "Why is your face all decorated?" and I tell them, "Well, it's Halloween, or almost, and we're supposed to be having a costume contest." (one other girl dressed up, and we are both on the committee...*shakes head*) so then I get up to show them where the movie is being shown and as I walk past them one says, "Very beautiful." ok, let's get this straight. my face is WHITE, i have DARK eyeshadow, and "blood" dripping from the corners of my red lips. i felt freaky, and most people were freaked out...beautiful came out of nowhere!
i come back to our AIM group looking a bit stunned and I sit down and say, "That was awkward...they said I was "very beautiful"." Another guy on the committee says, "Well, they are used to their women that way." and all of a sudden, i have a revelation!!! GEISHA!!!
i originally wanted to be a geisha for halloween, but i didn't have a kimono...;(...and i LOVE Memoirs of a Geisha *reading the book now*, so I couldn't believe i didn't think of that!!!
so, two oriental guys thought my vamp makeup was "very beautiful" because it was "geisha-like"
*grins*
mmm...now let's see...my left arm still hurts from stuffing airheads, laffy taffy, and starburst into dine of the dead cups on Monday...over 2000 man...that's a heck of a lot of cups!!! and candy...
yesterday's dance was fun. Native was wacko in his fireman uniform. *rolls eyes but laughs* he came by CC since I'm just across the street from the Union and our ARHD and RA freaked out!!! in a good way...and they made him go to some rooms and knock on doors asking "where's the fire?" which is funny since we have had the fire alarm go off multiple times here.
he was pretty, flirtatious...at the dance. he cracks me up. definitely NOT afraid of what others think. i on the other hand felt very silly in a borrowed ninja turtle costume. i think it was cute and original though. ;) unlike the majority of the females there, i was not bearing every inch of skin possible...in fact, quite the opposite. i had pants on, a green turtle neck under my shell, and the shell was not suggestive of anything, so i was quite the modest halloween goer. lol.
twas fun. though i hated having to come back and study. ;( luckily, i made a perfect score on my bio quiz today. ;)
tomorrow, another vamp night. but no white makeup this time. if i do, it'll be a lot less, but i think not. we shall see.
*yawn* well, i want to work on some art stuff. i'll take pics of my favorite pieces to show you guys, i'm quite proud of some of my work. ;) and as soon as i can get pics of my various costumes, i'll post them here too.
*hugs*