No More Lies

Well, Rent was AMAZING to say the least. ;) the guy who played Roger was 4th in "world idol" and had an AMAZING voice...*swoon*...lol

and a guy from "American Idol" played too. pretty cool.

And last night I watched the movie with "Zorro"...mmm...need a new nickname...haha...Squeaky...he'll appreciate that one. ;)

Anyway, love the movie too! So I pretty much have had a million different Rent songs in my head. Not that I mind!!!

But now I want to watch Moulin Rouge...lol. With my Jedi Singer...hehe. Seriously, a guy who can sing, and use the force? Pretty hot if you ask me!!!

Got some random Christmas presents...and considering that I HATE shopping, well, be happy. lol. Or shocked. Whatever. I'm satisfied...though I kind of wish we didn't always have to buy stuff...and that I wouldn't worry, "what are they giving me? if I give them something of "lesser value" i'll feel horrible!" that's like saying, "here, i love you so much, i wasted/spent money on you!" give me a hug and maybe a slice of cheesecake, and i'm set!

speaking of cheesecake, treated myself to some today after my Anth. midterm. which went ok i suppose. some of those questions were so random though...lol. whatever.

Well, the title of this post..."no more lies". I'm sick and tired of lying to/hiding from myself. It hurts more to suppress feelings than to just voice it and get the worst over with.

confused yet? :P well, i'd try to explain, but it never makes sense...and who knows how things will be tomorrow...ugh...it's always changing...lol

one thing I will say...i'll keep fighting this losing battle until i win. Beagle has to listen to me. I can't stand it any more!!! and maybe he thinks i'm giving up...and maybe in a way I am...but I'm really surrendering...to God. i've been going back and forth too long...it's time to cling to Him...

and maybe one day we will be together again, maybe friends...though right now...i'll email him and leave it at that.

so i may not be posting much this weekend because i want to resist the urge to go online because when i do, i'll inevitably check email, etc, and he'll be on and he'll persuade me otherwise, i'll cry, feel like a total...witch with a B...etc. and i don't need that any more.

finally, i'm HAPPY again. like...not hiding anything...genuinely excited...whole again...at peace with myself...happy.

well, hopefully i follow through this time. if i don't...everyone has my permission to smack me on the head with a huge stick...or something to wake me up

I love you all! Everyone back home...14 days!!! YAY!!! Can't wait to see you guys.

Girl's night tonight! Movie? Little Women!!! Man, I KNOW I'll cry...*sigh* But that's ok...it's a happy crying by the end...though I may feel a little...empty...just because I always see myself in Jo...and her cute German professor "boyfriend" always gets to me. LOL

i'm such a loser.

but i love it!!!

Yours, ever in confusion,

Chelle