(got this in an email from KK's friend...)
Shrek, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were all having lunch together.
Shrek said, 'I have always thought that I'm the strongest man in the world, but how can I be sure?'
Angelina Jolie agreed. 'I'm told I'm the most gorgeous of them all, but sometimes I wonder.'
Brad Pitt said, 'I'm pretty sure I'm the sexiest man alive but I've never had it confirmed.'
They all decided that the best way to find out if their beliefs were truewas to ask the famed talking 'Mirror, Mirror on the Wall' to confirm forthem whether Shrek was the strongest, Angelina Jolie was the most gorgeous and Brad Pitt was the sexiest. They agreed to meet again the next day for lunch to discuss their findings.
The next day Shrek walked up with a smile. 'Well, true. The mirror told me that I am the strongest man in the world.'
Brad Pitt perked up and said: 'And I know for sure that I'm the sexiest man alive.'
But Angelina Jolie lifted her sad, gorgeous face and said...?
(scroll down)
Who in the hell is Michelle Larsen?!?!
rofl
gotta love it
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
Introductions
Since I started school again this fall, two very important people have been in my life.
Scott:
Scott:
and Aimee:
Those pics were actually taken looooong before I met either of them. Not so long for Aimee's...lol. But yeah. So, Scott is my boyfriend, and Aimee is he sweet 1 1/2 year old daughter.
I was over there for Halloween, and they've been here to visit me too, so here are some pics I've taken. I'll post more later. I can't get enough of these two. lol. And Aimee loves pictures.
These are actually from Labor Day weekend. Went with his family to a resort in Alexandria.
Aimee, listening to my MP3 player. She was fascinated by the fact sound came out of those headphones! lol. She loves music and is always dancing and singing along with movies, etc. Even got her to watch some of Moulin Rouge one time. She's a musical girl!
Sleeping. Couldn't resist this pic. Classic picture every kid has to have.
This just turned out cool. Playing under a table with a cup and straw. She also loves straws...
Aimee and her Grandma (Scott's mom)
Daddy and daughter
Haha, she's a cutie
Discovered her reflection, very exciting moment, she even dropped my pig
Haha, this was a perfect picture. She absolutely loves Mr. Piggy, which of course just makes me very happy. :D
Unloading the car...looks thrilled
Awww...she loves the word "bear"
A little drooly...
Aimee with Carly in our dorm room (suppose i should take pics of our room too...once i clean...lol)
Took this pic before I realized she had my cell phone. LOL
Well, that's all for now. I'm hungry and have class in a few hours. I have more pictures though, so don't worry. :P
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Short Story
I wrote this short story for my creative writing class. I dunno what made me think of it...lol. And...after hearing my peer's thoughts, I want to take it further, expand on it, sooooo...we shall see! (I was obviously limited since it's a short story assignment. but i'm content with how it turned out, everyone read it the way i wanted and the questions they had left would be answered in a novel)
(The title i had i dislike...so...lol...for now...Untitled)
Her hands pressed uncertainly against her swollen belly. Her breath was coming in short, labored gasps. A stray tear made its way down her cheek and the saltiness burned her sensitive lips. Denise turned her gaze back to her husband, Mark. Her husband of 16 years; 16 difficult, childless years. The baby kicked her hands from inside, adding to her inward pain. Mark watched her closely, almost wondering if she was in labor, but knowing that this was quite different.
She turned to him slowly, her eyes searching his desperately for answers. “You lost your job?” He nodded. She dug her nails into the fabric of her shirt, angry with his curt reply. “So what are you going to do?”
He shrugged, but noting the fire in her eyes he said, “I suppose I’ll have to start looking for a new one.”
“You SUPPOSE?” She laughed bitterly. “Mark, this baby could come any day now, and we still don’t have a crib or anything!”
“I have to pay the rent before I buy a crib.”
“Which is why you need a job. You can’t go about this casually, we need money.”
“I don’t see you working,” he snapped back at her.
“I’m sick.”
“You’re pregnant.”
“And before that?” Mark grimaced. She knew he blamed himself for everything that had happened in their lives, and now he had gotten her pregnant when she was already at her weakest. Her hands started to shake now, and her head pounded to the beat of foreign drums. She got up awkwardly from the couch.
“Where are you going?” Mark demanded; as if he hadn’t been the one avoiding conversation before.
“I need Advil,” she muttered as she made her way to the tiny kitchen. Opening the medicine cabinet, her eyes fell instinctively to the dusty baby bottles in the corner. How long had they been sitting there, waiting for a baby to come? Ten years? More? Denise had lost track of the years it had been since her first failed pregnancy, it was just as well. She couldn’t live every day thinking of how old her non-existent children would be. After the first failure, Mark and she had still been confident that they could build the family they had always dreamed of. But the second was much harder. Denise recalled the pain of those days when she lost her babies as she downed the painkillers. One, the first baby hadn’t made it past a week. Two, their second barely made it to three months. The new baby kicked again, repeatedly, as if it disliked its mother’s painful memories. She smoothed her hands over her belly. It’ll be different this time, she told herself. She knew the statistics were not in her favor, but she had to hope.
Denise and Mark did not say anything to one another the rest of the night, instead sitting stiffly on opposite ends of the couch, mindlessly watching the evening news. As Denise curled up in their bed that night, she felt Mark roll over and run his hand along her side, and around her protruding stomach. The intimacy of the act startled her. He had done this with the first two pregnancies, but for 8 months he had not shown affection for this new baby. She put her hand on top of his, and they both jumped when the baby kicked. Denise rolled over to her other side and looked at her husband’s face. She smiled, feeling that finally he too was going to believe that this would work.
“Deni,” her heart swelled further at the old pet name. He propped himself up on an elbow and looked at her. His eyebrows were pulled into a sharp v over his eyes, contradicting her good feelings. “I just don’t think we should get our hopes up again.”
Denise didn’t know what to think. Her eyes welled up again with tears, and her hands clenched into angry fists. Mark watched as her face grew redder and redder as she held her breath, waiting for her hormones to calm down. Slowly, she exhaled, and rose from the bed in a trance. Mark sat up and watched her move about the room, aimlessly touching things, looking at random objects like the lamp with sympathy.
“Deni-”
“Don’t Mark,” she interrupted, startling him as she came out of her daze. She looked weary as she stood before him at the foot of the bed, her extra, extra, extra large t-shirt covering her to just above her knees, her brown hair in limp ringlets stuck to her sweaty face. Her eyes were wild as her mind raced through a book full of things she wanted to say to him right then. But what good would it do? After sixteen years of marriage, they might as well have been strangers. They had tried to keep their marriage together despite the hardships, the loss of the babies, but that didn’t mean they had had a good marriage. Now Denise felt, as she looked into the eyes of her husband, that she hardly knew the man before her, let alone the woman she had become.
“I have to go,” she said suddenly, surprising them both. But she knew it was true. It was time she left. Her mother’s words echoed back to her, “You need a more supportive environment. You come here whenever Mark gets to be too much for you!” She moved with purpose now, gathering a minimal amount of clothes and necessities into a small duffel bag, and changing into street clothes for the short journey.
“Don’t do this, you’re overreacting,” Mark said from his spot on the bed.
“I’m not playing around Mark,” Denise turned to him, her sickly pale face set in determination. “All you’ve done these last eight months is feel sorry for yourself for getting me pregnant, and make me feel guilty for suffering in your presence.” She could see that her words were cutting too close, but it was time she said something, and hurting him felt good. “We’ve held on to this marriage long enough. We can’t force ourselves to make it work.” The weight of what she was saying hit her too, and once more she felt herself giving in to her emotions. Between tears she whispered, “I’m sorry Mark,” and walked out of the apartment without a second thought.
“I’m so glad you came dear,” her mother said the next morning, setting a steaming cup of coffee before her. Denise smiled sheepishly. Her arrival the night before had been very unexpected, and after having cried to her mother for a few hours, and then getting some much needed rest, she felt as if it were time she went back to Mark. Her mother pulled back a chair and joined her at the small breakfast table. The window across from the table looked out on a tidy garden with blooming flowers and buzzing bees, the kind of garden Denise had dreamed of planting with her own children some day. Her far-off look did not escape her mother’s all-knowing eye.
“It’s never too late, baby,” she reached across the smooth oak surface and stroked her daughter’s hand lovingly. “I had given up hope of ever having children by the time I was pregnant with you.” Denise stared back at her mother.
“It’s not the same,” she whispered. It wasn’t that Denise had given up, it was that she was resigned to the fact that first, as the doctor’s told her and Mark, they should not try to get pregnant again, and then that she would not be able to have more children even if they tried. Her eyes fell to her belly where the baby squirmed in annoyance. Sometimes she swore the fetus was already getting a mind of its own.
“Just because it isn’t the same doesn’t mean I don’t understand, or that your situation is as hopeless as it seems,” her mother smiled lovingly, doing her best to soothe Denise’s long-held wounds.
“I’m too old for this,” Denise gestured to her stomach. Indeed, women having children at her age were often warned of the conditions their children could suffer from. She wasn’t old, but she should have been past the age of child-bearing. “And Mark and I-” she didn’t know how to finish.
“You and Mark have hung on long enough dear,” Denise’s mother leaned back in her chair, the morning light making her grey hair glisten like silver strands across her face. “No one would have blamed you two for getting a divorce before, and no one would blame you now. Plenty of couples fall apart after the loss of a child and you-”
“Have lost two,” she finished the statement she had heard all too often from friends and family. They both admired, and pitied her and Mark’s determination to keep their marriage going after the babies had died. Now that she was pregnant again, they were holding their breath, waiting for the impending divorce.
Her mother’s face hardened for a moment, but softened immediately, she preferred to remain joyful after too many years of pain. “You are always welcome here you know. I could set up a nursery in the quest room and you could sleep in your old room. It’ll be just like your college years, but with a baby.” Her eyes glistened with the prospect of having her only daughter living at home again.
Denise shook her head. “What if the baby doesn’t make it?” A bit of Mark’s pessimism had found its way into her. She was weary with hoping, and found herself sinking into a lonely pit of helplessness.
“Denise Nicole, if you ever let that’s man’s thoughts bring you down,” her mother muttered something under her breath and rose from the table, shuffling off to the kitchen to wash something. Denise’s eyes followed her mother out of the room, and her gaze hung on the empty doorway long after she had passed through. She knew her mother had never approved of her marriage to Mark. Of all people, she had been the one the most supportive of the idea of a divorce. But Denise had never let that thought cross her mind, until now. She sat alone at the small table, her coffee getting cold before her, the baby still inside her, and thought of how she had tried to make their relationship work, and how she must have failed. Were they really happy? And if this baby died too, would life continue on the same way, would they be able to keep picking up the pieces, hiding their brokenness from one another? A squirm from inside her, and she thought of another possibility; what if the baby did live? What if they started a family now? Could Mark pull himself together and get a job? Would they suddenly be the happy family they dreamed of being? Or would it be too hard for them at their age to run after a little one, to deal with the pressures of parenthood as they approached middle-age? Denise couldn’t imagine having to move in with her mother after all these years.
She fingered her wedding band mindlessly, trying to remember the last intimate moment she and Mark had shared. Since she found out she was pregnant this time, she couldn’t remember feeling close to Mark even once. He had been cold and distant, more so than she was accustomed to. No doubt, the fear of another failed pregnancy had taken its toll on him too, and his reaction to it was to close himself off from her, to distance himself from this thing that may not be. But Denise could not distance herself from the situation as he could. This baby was as much a part of her as the other two had been, and her maternal instinct told her to hold on to the hope that things would work out this time.
Denise wandered into the kitchen, where her mother was finishing scrubbing dishes, her mood very much alleviated. Denise leaned against the counters and watched her mother’s hands busy at work. Her hands were lined and withered with age, but Denise could remember a time when those hands were the strongest things that held her and the softest that soothed her. After she met and married Mark, he had been her stronghold, her comfort. They had been there for each other even after the loss of their two children, but the fear of losing a third was tearing them apart day by day. And if the baby didn’t make it? If their marriage didn’t end, any connection and intimacy they had ever had surely would.
“Mom,” Denise turned to look straight into her mother’s eyes. “I need to go home.” Her mother did not return her gaze, but Denise could see her eyes furrow at her words.
She took a deep breath. “I know you think he isn’t being supportive of me, but the truth is, I haven’t been very supportive of him either.” Her mother stopped and turned to her now. “I never even thought that he might be just as afraid as I am. I thought he was just being rude, or selfish, but the truth is, I haven’t been there for him like I should have. I’m his wife, and this is our baby, we can’t abandon each other.”
Denise’s mother laid her hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently. “I’m proud of you baby. I don’t know how you and Mark have made it this far, but if you pull together, whatever happens, you’ll make it together.”
Denise smiled, for the time those words rang true. But when she arrived at her and Mark’s apartment, she worried that he might not agree. That would be the only thing that could tear them apart at this point.
----------------------------------------------------
Silence greeted her as she opened the door to the apartment. The lights were on in the living room, so she yelled Mark’s name a few times trying to locate him. “In here!” His voice came from down the hall. Denise paused in the doorway. The only room down that way was the abandoned nursery, and neither of them had been in there for years. Her heart pounded as she walked the few feet to the room. She gasped as she stood in the doorway to the nursery. The window was open and fresh air poured in, ruffling the lacy curtains her mother had made during the first pregnancy. Music played from a radio sitting in a corner, and next to the radio stood a crib. Denise surveyed the room for Mark. He was standing on the other side of the room, a brush and bucket in his hands. He smiled at her stunned expression and turned to the freshly painted wall behind him. “You wanted it in green, right?”
“Mark, I’m so sorry. I never-” but he didn’t give her a chance to finish. He laid down his bucket and brush, wiped his hands, gathered her in his arms, and silenced her with a kiss.
(The title i had i dislike...so...lol...for now...Untitled)
Her hands pressed uncertainly against her swollen belly. Her breath was coming in short, labored gasps. A stray tear made its way down her cheek and the saltiness burned her sensitive lips. Denise turned her gaze back to her husband, Mark. Her husband of 16 years; 16 difficult, childless years. The baby kicked her hands from inside, adding to her inward pain. Mark watched her closely, almost wondering if she was in labor, but knowing that this was quite different.
She turned to him slowly, her eyes searching his desperately for answers. “You lost your job?” He nodded. She dug her nails into the fabric of her shirt, angry with his curt reply. “So what are you going to do?”
He shrugged, but noting the fire in her eyes he said, “I suppose I’ll have to start looking for a new one.”
“You SUPPOSE?” She laughed bitterly. “Mark, this baby could come any day now, and we still don’t have a crib or anything!”
“I have to pay the rent before I buy a crib.”
“Which is why you need a job. You can’t go about this casually, we need money.”
“I don’t see you working,” he snapped back at her.
“I’m sick.”
“You’re pregnant.”
“And before that?” Mark grimaced. She knew he blamed himself for everything that had happened in their lives, and now he had gotten her pregnant when she was already at her weakest. Her hands started to shake now, and her head pounded to the beat of foreign drums. She got up awkwardly from the couch.
“Where are you going?” Mark demanded; as if he hadn’t been the one avoiding conversation before.
“I need Advil,” she muttered as she made her way to the tiny kitchen. Opening the medicine cabinet, her eyes fell instinctively to the dusty baby bottles in the corner. How long had they been sitting there, waiting for a baby to come? Ten years? More? Denise had lost track of the years it had been since her first failed pregnancy, it was just as well. She couldn’t live every day thinking of how old her non-existent children would be. After the first failure, Mark and she had still been confident that they could build the family they had always dreamed of. But the second was much harder. Denise recalled the pain of those days when she lost her babies as she downed the painkillers. One, the first baby hadn’t made it past a week. Two, their second barely made it to three months. The new baby kicked again, repeatedly, as if it disliked its mother’s painful memories. She smoothed her hands over her belly. It’ll be different this time, she told herself. She knew the statistics were not in her favor, but she had to hope.
Denise and Mark did not say anything to one another the rest of the night, instead sitting stiffly on opposite ends of the couch, mindlessly watching the evening news. As Denise curled up in their bed that night, she felt Mark roll over and run his hand along her side, and around her protruding stomach. The intimacy of the act startled her. He had done this with the first two pregnancies, but for 8 months he had not shown affection for this new baby. She put her hand on top of his, and they both jumped when the baby kicked. Denise rolled over to her other side and looked at her husband’s face. She smiled, feeling that finally he too was going to believe that this would work.
“Deni,” her heart swelled further at the old pet name. He propped himself up on an elbow and looked at her. His eyebrows were pulled into a sharp v over his eyes, contradicting her good feelings. “I just don’t think we should get our hopes up again.”
Denise didn’t know what to think. Her eyes welled up again with tears, and her hands clenched into angry fists. Mark watched as her face grew redder and redder as she held her breath, waiting for her hormones to calm down. Slowly, she exhaled, and rose from the bed in a trance. Mark sat up and watched her move about the room, aimlessly touching things, looking at random objects like the lamp with sympathy.
“Deni-”
“Don’t Mark,” she interrupted, startling him as she came out of her daze. She looked weary as she stood before him at the foot of the bed, her extra, extra, extra large t-shirt covering her to just above her knees, her brown hair in limp ringlets stuck to her sweaty face. Her eyes were wild as her mind raced through a book full of things she wanted to say to him right then. But what good would it do? After sixteen years of marriage, they might as well have been strangers. They had tried to keep their marriage together despite the hardships, the loss of the babies, but that didn’t mean they had had a good marriage. Now Denise felt, as she looked into the eyes of her husband, that she hardly knew the man before her, let alone the woman she had become.
“I have to go,” she said suddenly, surprising them both. But she knew it was true. It was time she left. Her mother’s words echoed back to her, “You need a more supportive environment. You come here whenever Mark gets to be too much for you!” She moved with purpose now, gathering a minimal amount of clothes and necessities into a small duffel bag, and changing into street clothes for the short journey.
“Don’t do this, you’re overreacting,” Mark said from his spot on the bed.
“I’m not playing around Mark,” Denise turned to him, her sickly pale face set in determination. “All you’ve done these last eight months is feel sorry for yourself for getting me pregnant, and make me feel guilty for suffering in your presence.” She could see that her words were cutting too close, but it was time she said something, and hurting him felt good. “We’ve held on to this marriage long enough. We can’t force ourselves to make it work.” The weight of what she was saying hit her too, and once more she felt herself giving in to her emotions. Between tears she whispered, “I’m sorry Mark,” and walked out of the apartment without a second thought.
“I’m so glad you came dear,” her mother said the next morning, setting a steaming cup of coffee before her. Denise smiled sheepishly. Her arrival the night before had been very unexpected, and after having cried to her mother for a few hours, and then getting some much needed rest, she felt as if it were time she went back to Mark. Her mother pulled back a chair and joined her at the small breakfast table. The window across from the table looked out on a tidy garden with blooming flowers and buzzing bees, the kind of garden Denise had dreamed of planting with her own children some day. Her far-off look did not escape her mother’s all-knowing eye.
“It’s never too late, baby,” she reached across the smooth oak surface and stroked her daughter’s hand lovingly. “I had given up hope of ever having children by the time I was pregnant with you.” Denise stared back at her mother.
“It’s not the same,” she whispered. It wasn’t that Denise had given up, it was that she was resigned to the fact that first, as the doctor’s told her and Mark, they should not try to get pregnant again, and then that she would not be able to have more children even if they tried. Her eyes fell to her belly where the baby squirmed in annoyance. Sometimes she swore the fetus was already getting a mind of its own.
“Just because it isn’t the same doesn’t mean I don’t understand, or that your situation is as hopeless as it seems,” her mother smiled lovingly, doing her best to soothe Denise’s long-held wounds.
“I’m too old for this,” Denise gestured to her stomach. Indeed, women having children at her age were often warned of the conditions their children could suffer from. She wasn’t old, but she should have been past the age of child-bearing. “And Mark and I-” she didn’t know how to finish.
“You and Mark have hung on long enough dear,” Denise’s mother leaned back in her chair, the morning light making her grey hair glisten like silver strands across her face. “No one would have blamed you two for getting a divorce before, and no one would blame you now. Plenty of couples fall apart after the loss of a child and you-”
“Have lost two,” she finished the statement she had heard all too often from friends and family. They both admired, and pitied her and Mark’s determination to keep their marriage going after the babies had died. Now that she was pregnant again, they were holding their breath, waiting for the impending divorce.
Her mother’s face hardened for a moment, but softened immediately, she preferred to remain joyful after too many years of pain. “You are always welcome here you know. I could set up a nursery in the quest room and you could sleep in your old room. It’ll be just like your college years, but with a baby.” Her eyes glistened with the prospect of having her only daughter living at home again.
Denise shook her head. “What if the baby doesn’t make it?” A bit of Mark’s pessimism had found its way into her. She was weary with hoping, and found herself sinking into a lonely pit of helplessness.
“Denise Nicole, if you ever let that’s man’s thoughts bring you down,” her mother muttered something under her breath and rose from the table, shuffling off to the kitchen to wash something. Denise’s eyes followed her mother out of the room, and her gaze hung on the empty doorway long after she had passed through. She knew her mother had never approved of her marriage to Mark. Of all people, she had been the one the most supportive of the idea of a divorce. But Denise had never let that thought cross her mind, until now. She sat alone at the small table, her coffee getting cold before her, the baby still inside her, and thought of how she had tried to make their relationship work, and how she must have failed. Were they really happy? And if this baby died too, would life continue on the same way, would they be able to keep picking up the pieces, hiding their brokenness from one another? A squirm from inside her, and she thought of another possibility; what if the baby did live? What if they started a family now? Could Mark pull himself together and get a job? Would they suddenly be the happy family they dreamed of being? Or would it be too hard for them at their age to run after a little one, to deal with the pressures of parenthood as they approached middle-age? Denise couldn’t imagine having to move in with her mother after all these years.
She fingered her wedding band mindlessly, trying to remember the last intimate moment she and Mark had shared. Since she found out she was pregnant this time, she couldn’t remember feeling close to Mark even once. He had been cold and distant, more so than she was accustomed to. No doubt, the fear of another failed pregnancy had taken its toll on him too, and his reaction to it was to close himself off from her, to distance himself from this thing that may not be. But Denise could not distance herself from the situation as he could. This baby was as much a part of her as the other two had been, and her maternal instinct told her to hold on to the hope that things would work out this time.
Denise wandered into the kitchen, where her mother was finishing scrubbing dishes, her mood very much alleviated. Denise leaned against the counters and watched her mother’s hands busy at work. Her hands were lined and withered with age, but Denise could remember a time when those hands were the strongest things that held her and the softest that soothed her. After she met and married Mark, he had been her stronghold, her comfort. They had been there for each other even after the loss of their two children, but the fear of losing a third was tearing them apart day by day. And if the baby didn’t make it? If their marriage didn’t end, any connection and intimacy they had ever had surely would.
“Mom,” Denise turned to look straight into her mother’s eyes. “I need to go home.” Her mother did not return her gaze, but Denise could see her eyes furrow at her words.
She took a deep breath. “I know you think he isn’t being supportive of me, but the truth is, I haven’t been very supportive of him either.” Her mother stopped and turned to her now. “I never even thought that he might be just as afraid as I am. I thought he was just being rude, or selfish, but the truth is, I haven’t been there for him like I should have. I’m his wife, and this is our baby, we can’t abandon each other.”
Denise’s mother laid her hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently. “I’m proud of you baby. I don’t know how you and Mark have made it this far, but if you pull together, whatever happens, you’ll make it together.”
Denise smiled, for the time those words rang true. But when she arrived at her and Mark’s apartment, she worried that he might not agree. That would be the only thing that could tear them apart at this point.
----------------------------------------------------
Silence greeted her as she opened the door to the apartment. The lights were on in the living room, so she yelled Mark’s name a few times trying to locate him. “In here!” His voice came from down the hall. Denise paused in the doorway. The only room down that way was the abandoned nursery, and neither of them had been in there for years. Her heart pounded as she walked the few feet to the room. She gasped as she stood in the doorway to the nursery. The window was open and fresh air poured in, ruffling the lacy curtains her mother had made during the first pregnancy. Music played from a radio sitting in a corner, and next to the radio stood a crib. Denise surveyed the room for Mark. He was standing on the other side of the room, a brush and bucket in his hands. He smiled at her stunned expression and turned to the freshly painted wall behind him. “You wanted it in green, right?”
“Mark, I’m so sorry. I never-” but he didn’t give her a chance to finish. He laid down his bucket and brush, wiped his hands, gathered her in his arms, and silenced her with a kiss.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Fall Semester Art
Here are some various things i have worked on. There's more I haven't photographed, and pictures don't do them justice....haha....pictures don't do my pictures justice...but anyway, here's a sampling of this semesters art projects...
I painted this for my friend, Hope, after a frustrating art assignment.
This is actually a collage I did AFTER my first one. I didn't like the first one (which will be shown soon), so I did a second. This one looks like it's own pic, like the images are supposed to be together, so it's really cool. I'm glad I felt like doing more than I had to. :P
This is only a part of a value drawing. There are...3 other images. I have to take a pic of the finished work, it's pretty cool if I may say so myself.
This was an interesting assignment. We had to do line drawing, and a "self portrait", and then we added land removed ines in the pic and- ta-da!
This was my first collage, hard to appreciate it from the glare...it looked ok, but I wasn't satisifed. :P
I painted this for my friend, Hope, after a frustrating art assignment. 
This is actually a collage I did AFTER my first one. I didn't like the first one (which will be shown soon), so I did a second. This one looks like it's own pic, like the images are supposed to be together, so it's really cool. I'm glad I felt like doing more than I had to. :P
This is only a part of a value drawing. There are...3 other images. I have to take a pic of the finished work, it's pretty cool if I may say so myself.
This was an interesting assignment. We had to do line drawing, and a "self portrait", and then we added land removed ines in the pic and- ta-da!
This was my first collage, hard to appreciate it from the glare...it looked ok, but I wasn't satisifed. :PI should also update you guys on some writing. I'll post my short story for my creative writing class next. :) And then there are some important people in my life I need to introduce everyone to.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Redemption: installment 7
(i must remind what readers i have... :P...that this is all rough. everything i post to this story is the first draft. so...it will be better later. but this is what i've got so far. :) check my other Redemption posts for the early parts of the story)
Curled under a blanket later that night, Joanne sat up watching her sleeping “comrades”. Immediately after she returned from the council hearing, Tene, Jabari and Rosemary had bombarded her with questions, which she shrugged off saying she was tired and needed to sleep. This was partially true, she had had little sleep before the council meeting, and the haunting feeling of sadness that had been eating away at her since seeing the images of Earth was draining her of energy. Now, everyone else was resting in the cool calm of the room which was illuminated by a soft, blue light from overhead. Strange shadows played across the floor and walls as the sleepers stirred, but Joanne’s eyes remained fixed on a blank piece of wall that was unaffected by the light, a black patch amongst the fading blues and grays. A scuffing noise to her right shocked her out of her trance and she jumped as something rubbed against her lightly. Joanne’s eyes slowly adjusted to the change in light, and she sighed with relief when she saw Chinue’s timid figure beside her. Joanne smiled faintly, the girl couldn’t have been more than thirteen or fourteen, she must have been frightened beyond all belief, and not being able to communicate with anyone-
“Are they sleeping?” Joanne’s mouth hung open in disbelief as Chinue gazed at the others warily. She turned her wide eyes back to Joanne’s. “I don’t want them to hear us,” she whispered.
Joanne closed her mouth, and stared at the girl, not knowing quite what to say. “Will you speak to me?” Chinue asked, pushing herself a bit closer to Joanne.
“Um, sure, I guess,” Joanne said; only realizing how rude that sounded after the words had escaped her lips. “I mean, of course, I just didn’t realize you spoke English!”
Chinue held a finger up to her lips and peered about the room again. She looked intently at Joanne and whispered, “The others cannot know,” Joanne nodded. She frowned in confusion and searched the girl’s eyes. “What is it?”
Chinue’s deep brown, almost black, eyes peered back at her from skin the color of charcoal, darker than Joanne’s chocolate brown pigment. “They want to destroy Earth, no?” Joanne nodded, wondering how much this quiet girl knew that she wasn’t sharing with anyone else. The girl’s face contorted into a strange grimace, her eyebrows furrowed, nose crinkled and mouth pulled tightly into a straight line. Joanne could suddenly see the girl crouched in the African plain, a spear in one hand, and look of concentration on her face as she watched her unsuspecting prey. The tiny girl no doubt had a strength and fierceness in her. Her voice was low and quiet as she explained to Joanne, “They cannot destroy Earth. I do not wish to speak to them, they are strange, unfeeling creatures, but you must stop them.”
“Why me?” Joanne knew the answer before she asked the question.
“They will only talk to us, and only you can give them what they need to stop.” Joanne didn’t understand the second part. Only she could give them what they needed to stop the destruction of Earth? How could that be? What did she have to offer but the color of her skin to these strange beings? Chinue recognized the confusion in her eyes. “I would have them destroy the earth, if not for my people left behind.” Her big eyes grew sad and weary. Joanna wondered how long she had been on the Myantide ship. “We are a peaceful people, and there are not many of us in my tribe. It’s the white man these creatures fear, the death and evil in the white man’s lives that they want to destroy.” Joanne felt a bit put out by her use of the term “white man” for Western culture. Were there not people of every race creating violence and “evil”? Then she realized, to Chinue, to her people, Joanne and every other Westerner was the same. “White man” referred to every American, European, or Western-minded culture, every man, woman, boy or girl who lived and acted in ways they and the Myantides termed “evil”. Chinue studied her face for a few minutes before continuing. “You must find something to save my people. I would have the rest of the world destroyed if I could only save my tribe and our way of life, but even that is an evil thought on its own.” Her sad eyes poured deep into Joanne, searching her eyes in return for some signal that she understood and would help.
Joanne hesitated. She did not enjoy being grouped together with the “white man” this girl despised so much, but she hated to admit that she was, besides race, no different from any other American. She had a decent home, electricity, complained about gas prices, wasted resources and paid little attention to the world around her, while Chinue and others like her struggled day-to-day to find food and shelter. “Ok,” she finally said. “I’ll do my best to find something to save your people, and mine,” she added, looking over the sleeping forms in the dark.
Chinue nodded her solemn thanks, and slipped away into the shadows. Joanne leaned against the wall, her eyelids drooped lazily and she drifted into sleep, hoping she could redeem the “white man” and herself in the girl’s eyes as well as save the entire planet.
Curled under a blanket later that night, Joanne sat up watching her sleeping “comrades”. Immediately after she returned from the council hearing, Tene, Jabari and Rosemary had bombarded her with questions, which she shrugged off saying she was tired and needed to sleep. This was partially true, she had had little sleep before the council meeting, and the haunting feeling of sadness that had been eating away at her since seeing the images of Earth was draining her of energy. Now, everyone else was resting in the cool calm of the room which was illuminated by a soft, blue light from overhead. Strange shadows played across the floor and walls as the sleepers stirred, but Joanne’s eyes remained fixed on a blank piece of wall that was unaffected by the light, a black patch amongst the fading blues and grays. A scuffing noise to her right shocked her out of her trance and she jumped as something rubbed against her lightly. Joanne’s eyes slowly adjusted to the change in light, and she sighed with relief when she saw Chinue’s timid figure beside her. Joanne smiled faintly, the girl couldn’t have been more than thirteen or fourteen, she must have been frightened beyond all belief, and not being able to communicate with anyone-
“Are they sleeping?” Joanne’s mouth hung open in disbelief as Chinue gazed at the others warily. She turned her wide eyes back to Joanne’s. “I don’t want them to hear us,” she whispered.
Joanne closed her mouth, and stared at the girl, not knowing quite what to say. “Will you speak to me?” Chinue asked, pushing herself a bit closer to Joanne.
“Um, sure, I guess,” Joanne said; only realizing how rude that sounded after the words had escaped her lips. “I mean, of course, I just didn’t realize you spoke English!”
Chinue held a finger up to her lips and peered about the room again. She looked intently at Joanne and whispered, “The others cannot know,” Joanne nodded. She frowned in confusion and searched the girl’s eyes. “What is it?”
Chinue’s deep brown, almost black, eyes peered back at her from skin the color of charcoal, darker than Joanne’s chocolate brown pigment. “They want to destroy Earth, no?” Joanne nodded, wondering how much this quiet girl knew that she wasn’t sharing with anyone else. The girl’s face contorted into a strange grimace, her eyebrows furrowed, nose crinkled and mouth pulled tightly into a straight line. Joanne could suddenly see the girl crouched in the African plain, a spear in one hand, and look of concentration on her face as she watched her unsuspecting prey. The tiny girl no doubt had a strength and fierceness in her. Her voice was low and quiet as she explained to Joanne, “They cannot destroy Earth. I do not wish to speak to them, they are strange, unfeeling creatures, but you must stop them.”
“Why me?” Joanne knew the answer before she asked the question.
“They will only talk to us, and only you can give them what they need to stop.” Joanne didn’t understand the second part. Only she could give them what they needed to stop the destruction of Earth? How could that be? What did she have to offer but the color of her skin to these strange beings? Chinue recognized the confusion in her eyes. “I would have them destroy the earth, if not for my people left behind.” Her big eyes grew sad and weary. Joanna wondered how long she had been on the Myantide ship. “We are a peaceful people, and there are not many of us in my tribe. It’s the white man these creatures fear, the death and evil in the white man’s lives that they want to destroy.” Joanne felt a bit put out by her use of the term “white man” for Western culture. Were there not people of every race creating violence and “evil”? Then she realized, to Chinue, to her people, Joanne and every other Westerner was the same. “White man” referred to every American, European, or Western-minded culture, every man, woman, boy or girl who lived and acted in ways they and the Myantides termed “evil”. Chinue studied her face for a few minutes before continuing. “You must find something to save my people. I would have the rest of the world destroyed if I could only save my tribe and our way of life, but even that is an evil thought on its own.” Her sad eyes poured deep into Joanne, searching her eyes in return for some signal that she understood and would help.
Joanne hesitated. She did not enjoy being grouped together with the “white man” this girl despised so much, but she hated to admit that she was, besides race, no different from any other American. She had a decent home, electricity, complained about gas prices, wasted resources and paid little attention to the world around her, while Chinue and others like her struggled day-to-day to find food and shelter. “Ok,” she finally said. “I’ll do my best to find something to save your people, and mine,” she added, looking over the sleeping forms in the dark.
Chinue nodded her solemn thanks, and slipped away into the shadows. Joanne leaned against the wall, her eyelids drooped lazily and she drifted into sleep, hoping she could redeem the “white man” and herself in the girl’s eyes as well as save the entire planet.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
What a Summer...
I know things don't always turn out how we plan, but, wow. This summer was nothing like I thought it would be.
I couldn't hold my job, I didn't get to see too much of my friends, and I'm STILL sick.
I had an MRI today. After all my doctors visits and all my medicine (which didn't make a big difference), I went to another ENT who actually knows what he's doing. He wanted a scan of my brain to check my nerves there and such, and tomorrow I have a 2 hour test on my inner ear. He thinks I may have lost the use of one of the labyrinths in my inner ear and that's making me dizzy, etc. If that's the case I'll probably need physical therapy. I just hope we can get some closure. School starts soon and I don't want to still be feeling droopy and lazy when it starts.
Luckily, I made sure my schedule was pretty simple.
I have 2 art classes, German, and a creative writing class, then another English class online.
Every day I want to write more and more...but I'm too lazy. My mind can't concentrate, I get dizzy even just sitting, and my creativity is kind of low right now. I'm hoping I can get better after all these tests and get back to my usual, bouncy, self. :)
It's hard knowing I'm leaving soon. I'm ready to be back in my dorm, I have a roommate this year which will be a whole new experience for me! I miss the freedom, I miss the COLD. Man, just a few months up there and I've gotten seriously sensitive to the heat down here.
But at the same time, I know I'll miss my friends and family. I wish I could bring them up there with me. Or, that I could have a quick transport back home if I wanted to just stop in and say hi. Too bad gas is so much and consequently airline tickets.
I keep praying that I'll get better. It doesn't help that my heart still hurts from being broken months ago. That wound may never completely heal, but at least I learned from it. Now, just to heal physically. I'm a little scared to tell the truth. Not having felt well since February worries me, and not knowing WHY is the worse. I kind of downplay how I feel. I really have gotten almost used to being dizzy, nauseus, etc, but that doesn't mean I can deal with it. It just means that if someone asks how I feel I say, "Ok", because I am "ok", until I get a headache, ear pain, etc, and the symptoms just escalate. I don't think there's anything seriously wrong with me, but it doesn't help to not have those kind of things off the list. The results of the MRI will definitely calm some of my nerves. I've wanted an MRI since March, but only this doctor recently has thought it was relevant.
I hate waiting.
And I hate packing. It's like I have to choose what things to take with me, what I need, and I never know WHAT I'll need really. And going through my stuff makes me sad as I remember each objects significance.
I mentioned that my heart hasn't quite healed from a recent break...I'm considering writing a book about it. It'd be easy. I have lots to go off of. :P
And maybe that would help me come to terms with things. Make it a little more...bearable.
Hope everyone is doing well. Thanks for reading.
Chelle
I couldn't hold my job, I didn't get to see too much of my friends, and I'm STILL sick.
I had an MRI today. After all my doctors visits and all my medicine (which didn't make a big difference), I went to another ENT who actually knows what he's doing. He wanted a scan of my brain to check my nerves there and such, and tomorrow I have a 2 hour test on my inner ear. He thinks I may have lost the use of one of the labyrinths in my inner ear and that's making me dizzy, etc. If that's the case I'll probably need physical therapy. I just hope we can get some closure. School starts soon and I don't want to still be feeling droopy and lazy when it starts.
Luckily, I made sure my schedule was pretty simple.
I have 2 art classes, German, and a creative writing class, then another English class online.
Every day I want to write more and more...but I'm too lazy. My mind can't concentrate, I get dizzy even just sitting, and my creativity is kind of low right now. I'm hoping I can get better after all these tests and get back to my usual, bouncy, self. :)
It's hard knowing I'm leaving soon. I'm ready to be back in my dorm, I have a roommate this year which will be a whole new experience for me! I miss the freedom, I miss the COLD. Man, just a few months up there and I've gotten seriously sensitive to the heat down here.
But at the same time, I know I'll miss my friends and family. I wish I could bring them up there with me. Or, that I could have a quick transport back home if I wanted to just stop in and say hi. Too bad gas is so much and consequently airline tickets.
I keep praying that I'll get better. It doesn't help that my heart still hurts from being broken months ago. That wound may never completely heal, but at least I learned from it. Now, just to heal physically. I'm a little scared to tell the truth. Not having felt well since February worries me, and not knowing WHY is the worse. I kind of downplay how I feel. I really have gotten almost used to being dizzy, nauseus, etc, but that doesn't mean I can deal with it. It just means that if someone asks how I feel I say, "Ok", because I am "ok", until I get a headache, ear pain, etc, and the symptoms just escalate. I don't think there's anything seriously wrong with me, but it doesn't help to not have those kind of things off the list. The results of the MRI will definitely calm some of my nerves. I've wanted an MRI since March, but only this doctor recently has thought it was relevant.
I hate waiting.
And I hate packing. It's like I have to choose what things to take with me, what I need, and I never know WHAT I'll need really. And going through my stuff makes me sad as I remember each objects significance.
I mentioned that my heart hasn't quite healed from a recent break...I'm considering writing a book about it. It'd be easy. I have lots to go off of. :P
And maybe that would help me come to terms with things. Make it a little more...bearable.
Hope everyone is doing well. Thanks for reading.
Chelle
Monday, June 23, 2008
MIghtier Than the Sword
I have now setup a second blog, Mightier Than the Sword, to put my poems, lyrics, stories, and other writing projects out there for you to see a bit easier. If you were reading "Redemption", (sorry for the lack of update...again...), I will repost it there and put further updates on that blog. :)
Please read and comment! I will start out by posting some OLD stuff I found in a notebook, and we'll go from there.
Please read and comment! I will start out by posting some OLD stuff I found in a notebook, and we'll go from there.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Amazed by My Own Words...
having a convo with a friend...and i'm totally in awe of my own words. Need to document them here for future reference...:)
X: im not sure i deserve anything though...only one really deserved and He wasnt even given the life He deserved, what makes us think we will be given a life we dont deserve?
Me: because He loves us and gave up His life so we could have life
it's not about deserving it
when you love someone, you want what's best for them, whatever it costs you
that's what He wants
____________________________
Me:and as far as hurting goes...well...we aren't in heaven...nothing is going to be easy
love is patient, kind, etc...and hurts like hell
lol
X: i know...but it works out for soooo many people...why am i so different, or you, it's not been exactly a picnic for you either, ............... why are we so much different than the rest??
Me: it's not easy for anyone, to be honest. some handle it better. that, and, God gives us the life He knows we can handle. somehow, we go through these trials for a reason. and sometimes we set ourselves up for them
all those hard questions will be answered when we see Him...and it'll make sense. right now, our minds can't comprehend the reasoning behind events in our lives though, and we just have to trust that He has our best in mind
and will carry us through the shitty times
X: but what if i fail? what if i find i cant handle it anymore, and cop out of life, then ill go straight to hell which im too afraid to do...afraid to live and afraid to die, what kind of like is that?
Me: i don't think people who commit suicide go straight to hell
if they are that desperate, they can't be thinking correctly
and why would you do that anyway? the world didn't end because your gf broke up with you
i know it sucks but...there's still life to live
and if she thinks you guys could get back together...well...there's hope left isn't there?
you have to cling to whatever hope you can find
that's what i think anyway
_____________________________________________________
X:so i invested time and energy into it...i trusted, is that a bad thing?
Me: of course not!
but when you do that, when you put yourself out there, you always run the risk of getting hurt
that's part of life. just by living, you run the risk of getting hurt
but by quitting, you lose out on all the wonderful things God has planned for you
remember, Christ suffered too, He can listen and help more than anyone
X: wonderful things? -looks around- i see a large desert, and looking into the past, i see one there too...maybe im being ungrateful, but im human and prone to it. im also learning that maybe the best form of self defense is preventative...to not put yourself in those situations to begin with
Me: that is an option. but i think you're ignoring a lot of the good things to have happened in your life. and that's easy to do, so i'm just going to give you time to take off your dark sunglasses and remember how blessed you are
it's easy to get lost in the bad, i know
i do it constantly no
now*
lol
but there are plenty of wonderful things, don't regret the good things
X: i only regret their sudden disappearance, not the things themselves
Me: well, this is how i think...each relationship i've had has been better than the last, and i just tell myself, God has something amazing in store for me...so if that wasn't it...it has GOT to be good!!!
lol
anything can be that way
if it goes, that's because you don't actually need it, and there must be something better
or because somehow your life needs to change
shrugs
____________________________________________________
Me: you can't fix everyone
He can
let Him do His job
you aren't superman
Me: He knows what's best, don't fight Him
Me: you don't have to move mountains
well, sometimes our questions can't be answered right away, or the answer is unclear in our minds
Me: maybe you need to learn to surrender your whole life, every aspect, to Him...to trust Him with the hard stuff
Me: i've said what i can...the last thing i can say is that none of us have or will suffer what Christ did, we can only be thankful that He took that for us, and that we have the chance to live, learn, love, and eventually be with Him
if life were supposed to be easy...what would be the point
X: im not sure i deserve anything though...only one really deserved and He wasnt even given the life He deserved, what makes us think we will be given a life we dont deserve?
Me: because He loves us and gave up His life so we could have life
it's not about deserving it
when you love someone, you want what's best for them, whatever it costs you
that's what He wants
____________________________
Me:and as far as hurting goes...well...we aren't in heaven...nothing is going to be easy
love is patient, kind, etc...and hurts like hell
lol
X: i know...but it works out for soooo many people...why am i so different, or you, it's not been exactly a picnic for you either, ............... why are we so much different than the rest??
Me: it's not easy for anyone, to be honest. some handle it better. that, and, God gives us the life He knows we can handle. somehow, we go through these trials for a reason. and sometimes we set ourselves up for them
all those hard questions will be answered when we see Him...and it'll make sense. right now, our minds can't comprehend the reasoning behind events in our lives though, and we just have to trust that He has our best in mind
and will carry us through the shitty times
X: but what if i fail? what if i find i cant handle it anymore, and cop out of life, then ill go straight to hell which im too afraid to do...afraid to live and afraid to die, what kind of like is that?
Me: i don't think people who commit suicide go straight to hell
if they are that desperate, they can't be thinking correctly
and why would you do that anyway? the world didn't end because your gf broke up with you
i know it sucks but...there's still life to live
and if she thinks you guys could get back together...well...there's hope left isn't there?
you have to cling to whatever hope you can find
that's what i think anyway
_____________________________________________________
X:so i invested time and energy into it...i trusted, is that a bad thing?
Me: of course not!
but when you do that, when you put yourself out there, you always run the risk of getting hurt
that's part of life. just by living, you run the risk of getting hurt
but by quitting, you lose out on all the wonderful things God has planned for you
remember, Christ suffered too, He can listen and help more than anyone
X: wonderful things? -looks around- i see a large desert, and looking into the past, i see one there too...maybe im being ungrateful, but im human and prone to it. im also learning that maybe the best form of self defense is preventative...to not put yourself in those situations to begin with
Me: that is an option. but i think you're ignoring a lot of the good things to have happened in your life. and that's easy to do, so i'm just going to give you time to take off your dark sunglasses and remember how blessed you are
it's easy to get lost in the bad, i know
i do it constantly no
now*
lol
but there are plenty of wonderful things, don't regret the good things
X: i only regret their sudden disappearance, not the things themselves
Me: well, this is how i think...each relationship i've had has been better than the last, and i just tell myself, God has something amazing in store for me...so if that wasn't it...it has GOT to be good!!!
lol
anything can be that way
if it goes, that's because you don't actually need it, and there must be something better
or because somehow your life needs to change
shrugs
____________________________________________________
Me: you can't fix everyone
He can
let Him do His job
you aren't superman
Me: He knows what's best, don't fight Him
Me: you don't have to move mountains
well, sometimes our questions can't be answered right away, or the answer is unclear in our minds
Me: maybe you need to learn to surrender your whole life, every aspect, to Him...to trust Him with the hard stuff
Me: i've said what i can...the last thing i can say is that none of us have or will suffer what Christ did, we can only be thankful that He took that for us, and that we have the chance to live, learn, love, and eventually be with Him
if life were supposed to be easy...what would be the point
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
More Conversations With My Momma...
Daddy: "She's an attractor."
Momma: "A tractor?"
(convo about "Usher" dancers being on Dancing with the Stars...)
Me and Mel: "He's more of rap music..."
Momma: "Well, they should be Christian if they're ushers."
hahaha...I love you Momma! You make my day...
Momma: "A tractor?"
(convo about "Usher" dancers being on Dancing with the Stars...)
Me and Mel: "He's more of rap music..."
Momma: "Well, they should be Christian if they're ushers."
hahaha...I love you Momma! You make my day...
Monday, May 19, 2008
Conversations with My Mom...
Me: "Actually, only two guys have ever asked if they could kiss me."
Mom: "Who else?" (I had already mentioned one)
Me: "Scott."
Mom: "And after that there was another day?"
Me: "Another day? Oh, another date..."
Mom: "No, another day."
Me: "Yeah, people walk up to each other, ask for a kiss, and then never see each other again."
Mel: "I hope I'm not doomed to be like you, hardly date and not even know how a kiss works."
Me: "Yeah, you barely kiss Daddy."
Mom: "He has bad breath!"
Mel: "Well, suck it in!"
Me: "WHOA! I don't wanna see them doing that!"
Me: "I honestly wonder how you had two children without even knowing how a kiss works."
Mom: "God works in mysterious ways!"
Me: "Our dad must of snuck up on her..."
Mom: "No, I plan everything."
Me: "That must mean they only had it twice..."
Mel: "That's gross."
Mom: "Who else?" (I had already mentioned one)
Me: "Scott."
Mom: "And after that there was another day?"
Me: "Another day? Oh, another date..."
Mom: "No, another day."
Me: "Yeah, people walk up to each other, ask for a kiss, and then never see each other again."
Mel: "I hope I'm not doomed to be like you, hardly date and not even know how a kiss works."
Me: "Yeah, you barely kiss Daddy."
Mom: "He has bad breath!"
Mel: "Well, suck it in!"
Me: "WHOA! I don't wanna see them doing that!"
Me: "I honestly wonder how you had two children without even knowing how a kiss works."
Mom: "God works in mysterious ways!"
Me: "Our dad must of snuck up on her..."
Mom: "No, I plan everything."
Me: "That must mean they only had it twice..."
Mel: "That's gross."
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Stability and Your Prayers Please
Ever get so overwhelmed by life, that you just wish one thing would be...I don't know...normal? Sane? Stable?
But it seems like, whenever one thing goes wrong, a million other things crumble in around you, and even the smallest crack will seem bigger, just because we're already hurting.
That's me right now. I'm just praying for stability, no more running around, no more lost-and-found...
if i had the energy or enthusiasm i'd write something with those words
"no more run-around,
no more lost-and-found"
but my mind stops there. my head hurts, and i know i'm going to be crying soon which will make it worse.
today i cried about something i thought i was over. but, obviously i'm not. i could've figured that out, but i guess i was denying that, trying to hide from my true feelings on the issue, my real fears.
i'm just so...frustrated. i've had a rough year. and at this time in my life, i'm in transition, leaving my parent's and making my own life, so it's hard...especially hard to know where it's best for me to be when i'm so...desperate.
one thing i can say...i need someone's arms to hold me. and the sad thing is, i can only think of one person who would really understand my pain right now...but he isn't even real.
(no, not God...lol...i mean a person. someone...i had help imagining...but it doesn't matter now...)
sorry to sound depressed. but that's my reality right now.
nothing makes sense. nothing has gone..."right"...or at least...not very well.
well, i did pass my classes. and considering i wasn't in classes for like, 3 months, almost the whole semester, that's pretty good!
but it's upsetting that so much of my life was interuppted, destroyed really...
and now, bit by bit, i find it disappearing more.
pray for my family. we have to put our precious dog to sleep this week. It'll be ten years this summer that we've had her, and we've been so blessed.
i don't regret finding her at all. :) and i will say, it's because of me she even got to this point today in our lives. i wasn't going to leave the Humane Society without a dog...my family had already left the kennels...and I was soooo sad...then I saw her...Spice...my precious baby girl. :P
i don't think we could have had a better dog all these years. she's a sweetheart. and so beautiful.
she will definitely be missed.
so, please pray for her pain to ease, and for her to have a safe delivery to Heaven to wait for us with Chipper...lol.
and pray that those who love her with all their hearts...like i know i do...will be ok...
chelle
But it seems like, whenever one thing goes wrong, a million other things crumble in around you, and even the smallest crack will seem bigger, just because we're already hurting.
That's me right now. I'm just praying for stability, no more running around, no more lost-and-found...
if i had the energy or enthusiasm i'd write something with those words
"no more run-around,
no more lost-and-found"
but my mind stops there. my head hurts, and i know i'm going to be crying soon which will make it worse.
today i cried about something i thought i was over. but, obviously i'm not. i could've figured that out, but i guess i was denying that, trying to hide from my true feelings on the issue, my real fears.
i'm just so...frustrated. i've had a rough year. and at this time in my life, i'm in transition, leaving my parent's and making my own life, so it's hard...especially hard to know where it's best for me to be when i'm so...desperate.
one thing i can say...i need someone's arms to hold me. and the sad thing is, i can only think of one person who would really understand my pain right now...but he isn't even real.
(no, not God...lol...i mean a person. someone...i had help imagining...but it doesn't matter now...)
sorry to sound depressed. but that's my reality right now.
nothing makes sense. nothing has gone..."right"...or at least...not very well.
well, i did pass my classes. and considering i wasn't in classes for like, 3 months, almost the whole semester, that's pretty good!
but it's upsetting that so much of my life was interuppted, destroyed really...
and now, bit by bit, i find it disappearing more.
pray for my family. we have to put our precious dog to sleep this week. It'll be ten years this summer that we've had her, and we've been so blessed.
i don't regret finding her at all. :) and i will say, it's because of me she even got to this point today in our lives. i wasn't going to leave the Humane Society without a dog...my family had already left the kennels...and I was soooo sad...then I saw her...Spice...my precious baby girl. :P
i don't think we could have had a better dog all these years. she's a sweetheart. and so beautiful.
she will definitely be missed.
so, please pray for her pain to ease, and for her to have a safe delivery to Heaven to wait for us with Chipper...lol.
and pray that those who love her with all their hearts...like i know i do...will be ok...
chelle
She hates cameras, but I have managed to occasionally snap a pic or two. :)
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Gunnar, Tolkein, and Lewis
It's been like walking into the Lord of the Rings or the Chronicles of Narnia around here. Both those guys must've traveled in Norway.I keep expecting to run into hobbits, dwarves, elves, etc. Well, guess I've seen the hobbit - every morning in the mirror!! Ha! Stilldon't Took is the name, I think. (dense fellow from birth, thus "stilldon't" as in "he stilldon't get it, does he?")Suppose somone got an idea from this picnic table, too?
Gunnar Strikes Again
Good morning to you ladies, it's 2:15 pm here. The sky is clearing and we're getting some sunshine for the first time since arriving.I did my keynote speech this morning at 8:15, it seemed to go OK, I didn't run out of things to say ;). Guess that's no surprise to any of you.
Walked up to the old church on the hill, there's several graves with Lunde, so could be relatives of the family that farmed at Buxton, ND, Grandpa Al's mother's family.
A man was mowing in the cemetary and told me that "Lunde" is very common in Norway, though, so could be like being named Smith and they may not be any relation.
Interestingly, he did know that many families from this region did emmigrate to North Dakota, but someone told him some misinformation because he thought they stopped in ND for the mountains! Ha!
The church also has a old stone Celtic cross from about 1000 AD, was done near the water on the current site of the hotel, moved to the church about 100 years ago. So that's cool, dates back to the conversion of the Vikings. Wow.
Hardly slept at all last night, the jet lag seems worse now than ever, which is backwards, but I'm trying to stay up all day today so that I sleep tonight
Walked up to the old church on the hill, there's several graves with Lunde, so could be relatives of the family that farmed at Buxton, ND, Grandpa Al's mother's family.
A man was mowing in the cemetary and told me that "Lunde" is very common in Norway, though, so could be like being named Smith and they may not be any relation.
Interestingly, he did know that many families from this region did emmigrate to North Dakota, but someone told him some misinformation because he thought they stopped in ND for the mountains! Ha!
The church also has a old stone Celtic cross from about 1000 AD, was done near the water on the current site of the hotel, moved to the church about 100 years ago. So that's cool, dates back to the conversion of the Vikings. Wow.
Hardly slept at all last night, the jet lag seems worse now than ever, which is backwards, but I'm trying to stay up all day today so that I sleep tonight
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Gunnar Cont. and Pics
Haha...just got a reply from him...
Hey! I was about to yell at you for stayin up so late, but it's only 5:20 pm over there - now I have to yell at myself!!:)It's very giant here - now wonder they thought of giants and trolls and all that stuff, people just seem like little ants running around in this country with several thousands of feet of mountains and snow sticking practically straight up from the valleys or the fjords. Take good care of yourself this last week - only 1 final? I could've used you here, maybe German is enough like Norwegian some words would've made sense.Is it as expensive in Germany? They wanted to sell me a $180 shirt yesterday! Even 1 pair of underwear was like $20. No wonder Scots don't wear anything under their kilts. Oops, I'm getting silly now. I better finish my note to Lynn and Gary and GO TO BED.
so, sounds like he's keeping in touch with his brothers, which is good. :)
hopefully he found some kind of underwear...i won't ask...:P
The Adventures of Gunnar Roalsvik
Hello all! Since my life at this point is rather boring, all I'm doing is cleaning and packing and sorting what I'm keeping at Grandma's and what I'm taking home...I've decided to dedicate sometime to a relative of mine who is on an exciting adventure of his own!
My dear old father :P
He's in Norway to be a speaker at a convention. How cool is that? So, here are some of his recent accounts of his adventure thus far...(these are from his emails to his girls. he has no clue i'm doing this...haha)
Friday, May 02, 2008
We were very late leaving Houston. Just got to Newark and caught the scariest electric cart ride ever across the terminal and got to my gate just as they called for elite boarding on my flight, so not even time to use the bathroom before getting on the plane. But I made it. Whew.Excitement.
Have a good night, I hope to sleep on the plane. Very funny recorded instructions being played in Norwegian right now.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
finally got to a computer that i can use here at the Oslo airport hotel. it's almost 8 pm here now, we left Newark only a few minutes late, which I found out was bad when we got here because my rolling garment bag with all my clothes and my jackets did not make it. So i took the express train down to oslo and had to try to find some clothes. they are ridiculously expensive here, i finally foung a real ugly zipper sweatshirt for 12 dollars and two shirts for 20 each. that's all the clothes i have right now besides what I'm wearing and this norwegian keyboard is driving me crazy. i'm going looking for toothpaste and a razor now, might not find them as there is hardly anything here around the hotel off of the airport grounds. this place is way out in the country really the boonies crazy but truly an adventure more later i hope then to bed for the bus ride tomorrow hopefully the hotel at Loen, being a resort hotel, will be more helpfuly, and hopefully my bag will come on tomorrow's plane and Continental will send it on to Loen
Sun, May 4, 2008
Hello from Loen, Norway, at the Alexandra Hotel. We took about 8.5 hours to drive up the main valley of Norway, then west up and up a smaller valley until we were above the trees and only snow and rocks all around, then down thru 3 long tunnels, 4.5km, 4km and 4.5km, then out into another narrow, deep valley and down and around a whole series of switchbacks to the bottom, then followed the snow melt river down to the lake and around the end of another mountain to the fjord and hotel. What a trip. I've take a lot of pictures, 202 so far on a card that holds 999, but my battery is down to only 1/3 and my bag has still not shown up. Thought my spare battery was in there, but wonders! I have my spare battery in my computer bag - so yay! More pictures tomorrow.
Norway looks a lot like Colorado, or western Montana, or Idaho or Washington. The really big valley where the airport is looks more like Minnestoa, pine and birch trees.
And did you know the dandelion is a wildflower? At least over here.
Attached are 3 views to the west, southwest and southeast from my hotel room this evening when I arrived. Also a few views coming down from the snow covered mountain pass.
(the above mentioned pics will be in my next post...in like...a few minutes :P)
My dear old father :P
He's in Norway to be a speaker at a convention. How cool is that? So, here are some of his recent accounts of his adventure thus far...(these are from his emails to his girls. he has no clue i'm doing this...haha)
Friday, May 02, 2008
We were very late leaving Houston. Just got to Newark and caught the scariest electric cart ride ever across the terminal and got to my gate just as they called for elite boarding on my flight, so not even time to use the bathroom before getting on the plane. But I made it. Whew.Excitement.
Have a good night, I hope to sleep on the plane. Very funny recorded instructions being played in Norwegian right now.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
finally got to a computer that i can use here at the Oslo airport hotel. it's almost 8 pm here now, we left Newark only a few minutes late, which I found out was bad when we got here because my rolling garment bag with all my clothes and my jackets did not make it. So i took the express train down to oslo and had to try to find some clothes. they are ridiculously expensive here, i finally foung a real ugly zipper sweatshirt for 12 dollars and two shirts for 20 each. that's all the clothes i have right now besides what I'm wearing and this norwegian keyboard is driving me crazy. i'm going looking for toothpaste and a razor now, might not find them as there is hardly anything here around the hotel off of the airport grounds. this place is way out in the country really the boonies crazy but truly an adventure more later i hope then to bed for the bus ride tomorrow hopefully the hotel at Loen, being a resort hotel, will be more helpfuly, and hopefully my bag will come on tomorrow's plane and Continental will send it on to Loen
Sun, May 4, 2008
Hello from Loen, Norway, at the Alexandra Hotel. We took about 8.5 hours to drive up the main valley of Norway, then west up and up a smaller valley until we were above the trees and only snow and rocks all around, then down thru 3 long tunnels, 4.5km, 4km and 4.5km, then out into another narrow, deep valley and down and around a whole series of switchbacks to the bottom, then followed the snow melt river down to the lake and around the end of another mountain to the fjord and hotel. What a trip. I've take a lot of pictures, 202 so far on a card that holds 999, but my battery is down to only 1/3 and my bag has still not shown up. Thought my spare battery was in there, but wonders! I have my spare battery in my computer bag - so yay! More pictures tomorrow.
Norway looks a lot like Colorado, or western Montana, or Idaho or Washington. The really big valley where the airport is looks more like Minnestoa, pine and birch trees.
And did you know the dandelion is a wildflower? At least over here.
Attached are 3 views to the west, southwest and southeast from my hotel room this evening when I arrived. Also a few views coming down from the snow covered mountain pass.
(the above mentioned pics will be in my next post...in like...a few minutes :P)
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Life's Cruel Irony
hmm...i hate being right.
Every time a boy has broken up with me, i've had this horrible gut wrenching feeling that something bad was going to happen waaaaay before the guy even knew!
This was no different.
I'm starting to think that, God just doesn't want me in any kind of romantic relationship right now. Which hurts a lot, I like being with people and...i've cared deeply about 2 guys in the past few years...Beagle and now CJ...I guess i cared too deeply.
the funniest part is...the way or reason he broke it off is pretty much what i told Beagle.
i have been talking to beagle lately. we're on good terms. he still likes me...*rolls eyes*...but i really just need a friend. i can't do the long distance thing. and...i think this is some divine sign that...i'm not meant for these kinds of things.
somehow, i'm a lot of guy's "perfect girl", but i can't find that one "perfect guy"...so while guys are out there saying they'll come for me, they love me, and they will be with me one day because we are "meant to be"...i'm cursing myself for being so damn caring about other people...and asking God if there's even ANYONE out there for me. actually...i'm asking if i could just have ONE...i don't want this whole multiple guys think i'm the perfect one for them. i just want that one person i can talk to, be with...
and i had him...twice...and lost him...twice...
maybe i really will run off and be a nun. or...live on my own private island.
yes, i'm being dramatic. :P
but really, it's ironic. i wanted to sort out my life, so i broke up with Beagle. now CJ wants to sort out his, so he's breaking up with me.
and somehow he still thinks we'll eventually be together.
screw that. i'm going to be alone and lost and...i can't wait my whole life for love!
i know...i'm young. i know...i'll move on. and yes i know...there are plenty of other guys.
i'm just very confused...and even more lonely than before.
my ears are still bugging me, i can't sleep well at night i tend to sleep until the afternoon...i have a wacko appetite, i can't concentrate on anything...i'm falling apart and i have no one to hold/catch me.
and if anyone dares to tell me i'm being dramatic, that'll i'm young and will get over it...well...let me tell you now, just because i'm young doesn't mean i don't, or didn't, have dreams, and just because i'll eventually get over it doesn't mean i can handle it on my own now.
i know i'll be ok. i realize i have plenty of life ahead of me. but it is hard when dreams die. especially when i have no one really here. it's just hard people, and if you can't accept that...well...don't even speak to me right now.
not to be rude but...those things make it worse, hearing it makes me feel more stupid and just increases my depression.
so, here i am, where i wanted to be before. alone. to figure out my life.
but what's there to figure out? i figured out that i loved so much, trusted so much, and had it all broken apart...
now do i just figure out how to live on my own?
i always believed God put desires in your heart because they were meant to be there. i figured he put my desire for a husband and a close relationship there because it was meant to be there.
but each time i come close, i get burned, and my dreams die.
i can't take that any more.
so this "desire" to find my "missing piece"...well...i found it and now it's gone...so...i'll just learn to live alone. i'm young, i'll get used to it.
dramatically yours,
chelle
Every time a boy has broken up with me, i've had this horrible gut wrenching feeling that something bad was going to happen waaaaay before the guy even knew!
This was no different.
I'm starting to think that, God just doesn't want me in any kind of romantic relationship right now. Which hurts a lot, I like being with people and...i've cared deeply about 2 guys in the past few years...Beagle and now CJ...I guess i cared too deeply.
the funniest part is...the way or reason he broke it off is pretty much what i told Beagle.
i have been talking to beagle lately. we're on good terms. he still likes me...*rolls eyes*...but i really just need a friend. i can't do the long distance thing. and...i think this is some divine sign that...i'm not meant for these kinds of things.
somehow, i'm a lot of guy's "perfect girl", but i can't find that one "perfect guy"...so while guys are out there saying they'll come for me, they love me, and they will be with me one day because we are "meant to be"...i'm cursing myself for being so damn caring about other people...and asking God if there's even ANYONE out there for me. actually...i'm asking if i could just have ONE...i don't want this whole multiple guys think i'm the perfect one for them. i just want that one person i can talk to, be with...
and i had him...twice...and lost him...twice...
maybe i really will run off and be a nun. or...live on my own private island.
yes, i'm being dramatic. :P
but really, it's ironic. i wanted to sort out my life, so i broke up with Beagle. now CJ wants to sort out his, so he's breaking up with me.
and somehow he still thinks we'll eventually be together.
screw that. i'm going to be alone and lost and...i can't wait my whole life for love!
i know...i'm young. i know...i'll move on. and yes i know...there are plenty of other guys.
i'm just very confused...and even more lonely than before.
my ears are still bugging me, i can't sleep well at night i tend to sleep until the afternoon...i have a wacko appetite, i can't concentrate on anything...i'm falling apart and i have no one to hold/catch me.
and if anyone dares to tell me i'm being dramatic, that'll i'm young and will get over it...well...let me tell you now, just because i'm young doesn't mean i don't, or didn't, have dreams, and just because i'll eventually get over it doesn't mean i can handle it on my own now.
i know i'll be ok. i realize i have plenty of life ahead of me. but it is hard when dreams die. especially when i have no one really here. it's just hard people, and if you can't accept that...well...don't even speak to me right now.
not to be rude but...those things make it worse, hearing it makes me feel more stupid and just increases my depression.
so, here i am, where i wanted to be before. alone. to figure out my life.
but what's there to figure out? i figured out that i loved so much, trusted so much, and had it all broken apart...
now do i just figure out how to live on my own?
i always believed God put desires in your heart because they were meant to be there. i figured he put my desire for a husband and a close relationship there because it was meant to be there.
but each time i come close, i get burned, and my dreams die.
i can't take that any more.
so this "desire" to find my "missing piece"...well...i found it and now it's gone...so...i'll just learn to live alone. i'm young, i'll get used to it.
dramatically yours,
chelle
Friday, April 25, 2008
Easter Pictures
I'm not sure if anyone even looks at this any more. I can't blame them...I don't post much. sorry
but...here are some pics from my Easter break over with CJ and his family
So, there's his dad, his sis, CJ, and me...blinking of course...lol...all ready for Easter dinner with our bunny ears!!! Hahaha...
but...here are some pics from my Easter break over with CJ and his family
So, there's his dad, his sis, CJ, and me...blinking of course...lol...all ready for Easter dinner with our bunny ears!!! Hahaha... 
And here we are. Cute ain't we?
CJ and I went out and launched rockets...I think it was that Saturday...maybe Monday...not Sunday though...lol
I launched a rocket! And broke it!!! This is CJ holding my beautiful work. hehe That'll teach him to let me play with his toys. *Hey, daddy, think I'm ready to work at NASA now? ;)*
So then CJ launched his hand-made rocket...and broke it. :P Not a good day for rocket launching...
Some more pics of his bent up rocket
Hehe...I love this pic. He's not actually sleeping. He was talking and blinked at the right moment...or else his eyes were just closed...that's probably how I was able to sneak out my camera. And that's my chickie, Pom-pom, that I got in my Easter basket
And here's Pom-pom modeling my stylish bunny ears!
Oink Joint Road...???...We didn't stop to let Mr. Piggy smoke...though he did ask...:P
(if you don't know...Mr. Piggy (full name Herr Piggily Squiggly) is my little pig, formerly my older sister's, who travels EVERYWHERE with me. Surprised I haven't put pics up of him...hmmm...now there's a thought...:P)
And...we're finally going out for my b-day! In the pic...not now...lol.
Funny story about that...we went to Applebee's, and we ordered our drinks...and they said they wanted to see our IDs...???...for iced tea and...he either got iced tea too or some kind of coke...soda...pop...GAH...back to my story...we were like...um...we want NON-alcoholic drinks...and the waiter goes...OH...lol...but the WHOLE NIGHT the servers thought we had or wanted alcohol...haha...I thought, COOL, I just turned 19 but I look legal! hehe. There were a lot of college students across the restaurant, probably drinking, so obviously they assumed we would too...but it was so funny! Asking for my ID with an iced tea...and I've never been presumed to be OLDER than I am...not in a restaurant anyway...some people say I act older...HAHAHA...that's because I work for them :P
but...I thought that was pretty humorous. Iced tea...CJ and I have stories about iced tea...there's never really a dull moment when we're together...haha...so beware if you ever spend time with the two of us together...one isn't so bad...but both? trouble is bound to happen...I think we're kind of like Jesse and Rebecca on Full House...terminally doomed to love and be goofy. :P
Friday, April 11, 2008
Safe Haven (GNTW Entry #1)
Hey!
So, I am on this online game/chat site, and I am part of a writing contest on it. Actually, they have lots on there, so that's cool...the one I'm in now is called "Gaia's Next Top Writer".
This is my entry for our first "challenge". We were supposed to pick one (or more) of four pictures they gave us of people (anime people...lol). These pics had no background, so for our challenge, we had to describe the character's living space, their "background" imagery.
This is the pic I chose, and my entry. ;) Not my best writing, but...I'm sick and almost thought about quitting this...but i'll either hang in or get "kicked off" so whatever. :P
Safe Haven (Image 1)
Tobi threw her bag into the room ahead of her, shut the door behind herself, and slumped with a heavy sigh onto the floor. A tentative, “Mrow”, sounded from under her bed as two beady black eyes peeked out at her.
“Sorry, did I scare you?” Tobi crouched onto the plush green carpet, she liked to imagine it as grass beneath her bare feet sometimes, and coxed her kitten, Mooki, out from his hiding place. Mooki’s tiny paws and legs almost disappeared completely within the thick carpet, making him look like a floating body as he made his way into Tobi’s outstretched arms. Scooping him up close to her face, Tobi sneezed violently, once more frightening Mooki who dug his claws into her arm. Wincing in pain, she stroked his back reassuringly and peeked under her bed. Sure enough, everything she had stashed under there, posters, old dolls, candy wrappers, and other useless treasures, was covered in a thin layer of dust, making the underside of her bed look almost like a winter wonderland. She briefly considered cleaning, but something outside her window caught her attention. A small ray of sunshine had found its way through the clouds and hit her window pane in such a way as to make the glass glisten with the promise of clear skies. Tobi pressed her forehead against the smooth glass and sighed wistfully, fogging up a small circle of glass. Raindrops trickled past her eyes as she looked out at the dreary scene below. One of the downsides to living in Seattle, Washington, at least for Tobi, was the almost constant rain. Despite having a “boyish” name, Tobi was a girly-girl through and through. To make up for the lack of sun in her life, Tobi had had her room painted in a cheery, sunshine yellow with pink and blue flower trimming when she was 5 years old. Eleven years later, the colors still appealed to her. Her bed was covered in a soft, lacey coverlet that her grandmother had embroidered with pink and yellow roses, and she kept a pair of hand-sewn dolls propped against her pillows. On those rare occasions when the sun was shining, Tobi could pull back her rose colored curtains and everything in her room would glisten.
Upon entering her room, one might assume one was in a small child’s room. The bright colors and flowers gave a very light, innocent feel to the space. One of the few signs of her actual age was Tobi’s desk. Her desk sat on the other side of the window from her bed, angled toward the corner of the room so as to take up a bit more space. Her hand-me-down Macintosh computer sat amongst stacks of school books and papers consisting of homework, doodles, and notes that had been passed during class time. The desk was white and, of course, had small painted daisies scattered about to decorate the drawers. A solitary picture frame stood to the right of the monitor, a simple black frame, holding a picture of a small child and a woman laughing in a park. It was the only photograph Tobi had in her room, and it was her most treasured. She let out a sigh as she looked at it now, the smiling faces beaming up at her from behind the messy pile of homework she still had to complete. Mooki began to squirm in her arms, so she dropped him to the ground and he scampered off to his cat bed. Tobi had gotten creative with her placement of Mooki’s sleeping space. In the first few weeks she had him he had slept with her, but after a few nights of rolling over and being clawed in the face she decided it was time to give him a place of his own. A small bookcase stood to the left of her bed, a simple vase of plastic flowers sat on top, a row of devotional books and a Bible occupied the top shelf, and on the bottom, curled into a tight ball, Mooki was curled up in his blue and white checkered cat bed. This was a much better solution than having his bed placed somewhere on the floor where it was liable to be stepped on, and he was close enough to Tobi at night that if either one of them got lonely they could easily find the other.
The thin stream of sunlight from her window fell on a small column of books on her shelf across the room. In her younger years that space had been occupied by a doll house, and a small table with matching chairs and a play tea set. Now, a white bookshelf that matched her desk stood there, reaching from floor to ceiling, but only taking up about a fourth of the wall space. Tobi’s reading chair, a bowl-like purple seat that was big enough to curl up in with the pink fleece blanket she had draped over the side, sat to the bookshelf’s right in the corner. Tobi’s retro flower lamp sat in between the two. There were three separate flowers with their own bulbs that could be angled wherever the user chose. Tobi had turned the lower most one, a yellow flower, down to her reading chair, the middle one, a pink flower, shone on her bookshelf, and the top purple flower pointed toward her bed. At night, Tobi could turn on her lamp, turn the other lights off, and have just enough light to curl up with a good book, place it back on the shelf, and find her way back to her bed. A lot of times during winter this was exactly what she did, and she usually had a cup of hot cocoa or tea with her. Right now an empty mug sat by the chair, another reminder of the cleaning she needed to do.
Mooki suddenly flashed by, disappearing behind the beaded divider Tobi had set up to her bathroom. There was no question what he had to do. Tobi’s bathroom, or her sink at least, was connected to her room. An opening about the size of her bedroom door connected the two along the wall her desk and chair were nearest. Flower beads, mostly from Mardi Gras, hung down to the floor as a sort of division between the two spaces. Tobi pushed back the beads now, surveying her bathroom, and being careful not to look under the sink. A full length mirror ran across the counter that held her sink, and all her necessities. Makeup bags littered the countertop, and an old ballerina music box stood open, jewelry spilling forth from its mouth. Tobi had given her mother a bit of a break on decorating the bathroom, and had tropical fish wallpaper put up. Her towels, one of which hung to her right as she looked at the mirror, were simple white cloth with swimming fish on the edges. A door to her right was closed, meaning her sister was currently using the toilet. That door, along with her bedroom door, marked the end of Tobi’s “territory”. She counted herself blessed to have her own sink and mirror, sharing a shower and toilet wasn’t half as bad when she could come in here and finish her daily preparations in peace. To Tobi’s left was another door, this one slightly ajar, leading to her walk-in closet. Tobi never thought of herself as spoiled, but if she needed a reason to, that closet was it. All her clothes hung neatly on the racks, or were folded on top of the shelves. Games were stacked on the very back shelf, easy to get to if she or her sister wanted to race in and grab something, and all of her shoes were hung on the shoe rack she had lovingly hung on the back of the door. Tobi didn’t much care about clothes, but shoes were her favorite. She had a wide variety of sandals, boots, and heels, and two pairs of sneakers for gym. What she couldn’t fit on the rack on her door, she laid out neatly underneath the hanging clothes so she could easily slip them on and go.
Mooki gently rubbed against her leg, letting Tobi know he was done with his business and she should do hers. Directly under her sink were cabinets which contained extra toilet paper, shampoo, her hairdryer, etc. In one cabinet door however, a small kitty-door had been cut out, similar to the one on the front door of their house. Behind there lay Mooki’s litter box. It was less of an eye sore here, and just as his bed, not liable to be stepped on or in. Tobi cleaned it now, knowing Mooki was picky about a tidy box.
Suddenly, her watch beeped. Tobi glanced at it and sighed. It was 5:30, time to go get dinner started. She quickly rinsed off her hands in her sink, and then brushed past the beads to her room. Glancing longingly one last time at the fading sunlight coming through her window, she opened the door and left her sanctuary, eager to come back soon.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Too Much Pain
I'm lucky there's only about a month left of school and then i get to go home.
Last August, I was so free, life felt good. College seemed great, classes weren't impossibly challenging, I was making friends, and I felt good being on my own. Of course I missed friends and family back home, but I was happy where I was.
Now, I'd give anything to just be home, surrounded by my family and friends, in the comfort of my own home, knowing i don't have to take care of myself.
right now, i just can't do it. i don't care if anyone thinks i'm weak, or pathetic, because i am. right now i really am.
In August, making it on my own was possible, it was wonderful...now it's just...too much. I don't want to be alone. I'm too sad, too hurt and scared.
I can't believe it's come down to this. I was so excited about moving far away, starting my own life...but now that life has just vanished from my grasp.
I could have done it...I could have made great grades, worked and made money, had fun and gotten close to people...and I did that some...but life got in the way and messed the rest up.
That's not how it's supposed to be for me. I don't know why I ever thought it would be fun, or easy. Not that it was completely...but it isn't at all now. My life is a nightmare...I'm so disappointed in myself...even though I know it's not my fault...
I'm torn between taking care of myself physically and trying to just finish out the semester.
The only things that really matter to me in the long run are my writing...and holding out until I can live my dreams with...him...again.
And getting better and going home. But that's not in the long run is it...
Sorry I sound really depressed...it's just because I am.
I realize I have friends and family up where I am too...but I need the ones who know me the most/best. I need some sort of comfort and stability right now. People who won't judge me, who won't tell me "Oh, it's not a big deal, you'll get over it", who will let me cry when I need to cry. People who won't say I'm giving up, who will help me get better physically, emotionally, whatever ways I need...and help me follow my dreams, whatever they may be.
Most of all I need someone who knows me better than anyone has ever known me, who can finish my sentences, my every thought...who shares my dreams and believes in the same things I do, the one I found who changed me back to who I was, not who others wanted me to be and I thought I should be. But, that's gone for now.
A piece of me has died, or so it feels.
Please, don't tell me "it'll be all right, things will get better, etc" i know they will. it's just...right now...i hurt...
and i'm trying...i really am...but i can only do so much...
well, time to clean my room. it's an absolute mess. i need to figure out what i'm storing away for next year, what i'm taking home for the summer, and what i'm throwing out.
maybe i can just throw out all these bad feelings and memories...no...that's too easy. if i could do that, i would have throw away being sick the minute i was...and i'd like to think...that's what started all this. thank you mono and ear infection. you have successfully infected my body, and entire life.
Last August, I was so free, life felt good. College seemed great, classes weren't impossibly challenging, I was making friends, and I felt good being on my own. Of course I missed friends and family back home, but I was happy where I was.
Now, I'd give anything to just be home, surrounded by my family and friends, in the comfort of my own home, knowing i don't have to take care of myself.
right now, i just can't do it. i don't care if anyone thinks i'm weak, or pathetic, because i am. right now i really am.
In August, making it on my own was possible, it was wonderful...now it's just...too much. I don't want to be alone. I'm too sad, too hurt and scared.
I can't believe it's come down to this. I was so excited about moving far away, starting my own life...but now that life has just vanished from my grasp.
I could have done it...I could have made great grades, worked and made money, had fun and gotten close to people...and I did that some...but life got in the way and messed the rest up.
That's not how it's supposed to be for me. I don't know why I ever thought it would be fun, or easy. Not that it was completely...but it isn't at all now. My life is a nightmare...I'm so disappointed in myself...even though I know it's not my fault...
I'm torn between taking care of myself physically and trying to just finish out the semester.
The only things that really matter to me in the long run are my writing...and holding out until I can live my dreams with...him...again.
And getting better and going home. But that's not in the long run is it...
Sorry I sound really depressed...it's just because I am.
I realize I have friends and family up where I am too...but I need the ones who know me the most/best. I need some sort of comfort and stability right now. People who won't judge me, who won't tell me "Oh, it's not a big deal, you'll get over it", who will let me cry when I need to cry. People who won't say I'm giving up, who will help me get better physically, emotionally, whatever ways I need...and help me follow my dreams, whatever they may be.
Most of all I need someone who knows me better than anyone has ever known me, who can finish my sentences, my every thought...who shares my dreams and believes in the same things I do, the one I found who changed me back to who I was, not who others wanted me to be and I thought I should be. But, that's gone for now.
A piece of me has died, or so it feels.
Please, don't tell me "it'll be all right, things will get better, etc" i know they will. it's just...right now...i hurt...
and i'm trying...i really am...but i can only do so much...
well, time to clean my room. it's an absolute mess. i need to figure out what i'm storing away for next year, what i'm taking home for the summer, and what i'm throwing out.
maybe i can just throw out all these bad feelings and memories...no...that's too easy. if i could do that, i would have throw away being sick the minute i was...and i'd like to think...that's what started all this. thank you mono and ear infection. you have successfully infected my body, and entire life.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Various Pics...From March
19th B-day Cake
Also Grandma's FIRST EVER CARROT CAKE (to bake)...who woulda thunk it?
Happy B-day To Me...From My School UND...HAHAHA
All Pinked Out!!! Stef sent me a CUTE piggy and shirt for my b-day. CJ's wearing a V-day shirt from his mom.
Broken Glasses in the Dining Center...yeah...I don't know how they missed those and put them in with the other glasses...*rolls eyes*...but CJ found both of them of course. ;p
Glasses that look like that should be thrown out...just a thought...
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